u/Funky_Pen5433

Also posted under HSP...

I moved to a new city recently with really high hopes that my life would finally get better. Honestly, things had actually been going pretty well until today.

This afternoon a group of teenagers mocked me on the street. They made sexually lewd gestures at me and “ni hao”-ed me while laughing. What really got to me was the look in their eyes, it felt so aggressive and dehumanizing. I know on paper it sounds “minor” compared to what other people go through, but it completely shattered my mood and sense of safety.

Part of why it hit me so hard is because I was previously racially attacked in NYC a few years ago, and ever since then I told myself that if something like this ever happened again, I honestly didn’t know how I would continue living normally.

Now I’m sitting here feeling deeply depressed and ashamed that something like this affected me so much. I already feel very lonely in this city, and I don’t even want to tell anyone in my real life because I’m scared they’ll think less of me or see me as weak.

I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of retraumatization after a racist encounter, especially after trying so hard to build a new life somewhere.

I know these sorts of things happen to a lot of people. But would love to know if anyone has gone through similar experiences. I just feel super hopeless in life. I wonder if I naturally attract unwanted attention from people?? Or is it time for me to move back to Asia

This is my first time post

I moved to a new city recently with really high hopes that my life would finally get better. Honestly, things had actually been going pretty well until today.

This afternoon a group of teenagers mocked me on the street. They made sexually lewd gestures at me and “ni hao”-ed me while laughing. What really got to me was the look in their eyes, it felt so aggressive and dehumanizing. I know on paper it sounds “minor” compared to what other people go through, but it completely shattered my mood and sense of safety.

Part of why it hit me so hard is because I was previously racially attacked in NYC a few years ago, and ever since then I told myself that if something like this ever happened again, I honestly didn’t know how I would continue living normally.

Now I’m sitting here feeling deeply depressed and ashamed that something like this affected me so much. I already feel very lonely in this city, and I don’t even want to tell anyone in my real life because I’m scared they’ll think less of me or see me as weak.

I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of retraumatization after a racist encounter, especially after trying so hard to build a new life somewhere.

I know these sorts of things happen to a lot of people. But would love to know if anyone has gone through similar experiences.

EDIT: What I feel most annoyed about is that I knew those boys were trouble. I thought of going to the other side walk but thought I was over thinking and proceed to walk towards those boys....I hate myself for being so dumb and defenseless.