Everything in my life is going wrong
I really don't know what to do anymore. Lately, I've been really happy, but I feel as if I'm slipping back into my old ways. I have these moments where I'm so happy and it seems like nothing could go wrong, but it always does. I don't think I'm capable of feeling real happiness, and sadness is always destined to come back to me, no matter what I do. I don't think I'm a good or likable person. I always seem to mess up somehow.
My father has small cell lung cancer and it's really difficult for me. I often find myself thinking about how he probably won't be alive in a year. To be honest, I've never felt close to my dad and we argue frequently. I feel guilty for not being close with him. It feels like I'm watching him deteriorate in real time. I have no one to talk to about this. Last time I tried to tell my friends, they joked about it and judged me because my father is older. They even called him a pedophile, and it was really hard to just sit there and act like I didn't care.
I've also been struggling with my face and body image. People tell me I'm pretty, but I feel like they're just being nice. I have tried coming to terms with the way I look, but it doesn't feel like I can.
Uploading this on reddit was more of last resort. I don't know what Im doing and I have never used or uploaded something on reddit before. Im just hoping I'll feel better soon. It'll be super embarrassing if nobody sees this and im just venting on reddit to nobody um but that's it