I'm afraid of losing her what should I do?
Hi I'm a (24M) and have been talking to this girl (26F) and things started off fine, but recently the dynamic has become really intense and emotionally confusing. She has strong opinions about discipline, self-improvement, and standards in relationships. She often tells me directly that she doesn’t like certain behaviours (like me going out drinking, having fun cheap thrills or hanging around with “random people”), and she frames it as her being honest and wanting me to be better.
At first I agreed with a lot of what she said and tried to show I’m working on myself, but the conversations started to feel more like pressure and evaluation rather than mutual understanding.
When I try to express that I don’t like feeling judged or talked down to, she responds that she’s “just being honest” and that if I don’t fit her standards she might just cut people off because she doesn’t want to waste time.
She also says she cares about me and wants the best for me, but at the same time she’s very direct about having high expectations and not being afraid to leave if someone doesn’t meet them.
When I tried to set a boundary about not wanting us to talk like one person is above the other, it escalated into her saying she can see how things will end and that she might just stop caring or cut me off.
I ended up reassuring her and trying to keep things calm because I don’t want to lose the connection, especially since I've already made plans to meet her in person again. But now I feel like I’ve been over-adjusting myself and reacting out of fear of losing her, instead of being stable in how I communicate.
I’m starting to feel anxious and confused because I don’t know if this is just her personality (being very blunt and “truthful”) or if this is a sign that the dynamic is unhealthy for me.
I also don’t know if I should keep trying to make this work, set stronger boundaries, or just step back completely.
I guess I’m afraid of losing her, but at the same time I don’t feel fully relaxed or secure in the way things are going.
What should I do?