I feel like I'm actually cursed.
Hey everyone, I really need to vent because my paranoia is at an absolute peak right now and Idk how to handle this anymore.
I’ve struggled with Magical Thinking OCD for a while but lately Igenuinely feel like it isn't OCD anymore and that I’m actually cursed. The number 44 is one of my biggest trigger, and the sheer amount of "coincidences" tied to it feels way too perfect to just be random.
Earlier today, I decided to finally say F it and ignore my OCD, and usually when I take a shower I have this compulsion where I have to step in then step out and go back in. This time I refused to do the ritual and just stayed in. Immediately I slipped and almost smashed my head against the wall (something that has never happened to me before) It felt like a direct warning from the universe to keep doing the rituals coz literally, and I mean LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TIME I resist them something genuinely scary or catastrophic happens.
In a totally separate incident, I picked up my phone and my battery was at 44% and the YouTube video I had paused was perfectly paused at 44:44.
Another time after a really bad day full of weird coincidences my brain gave me a specific thought "When you count down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, someone will ring the doorbell" So I counted it down and the exact second I said 1 someone rang the doorbell. I have never received a random doorbell ring like that before and when I went to open the door absolutely nobody was there.
Another time, my mom called me at 4:44 PM, the call ended up lasting exactly 44 minutes and believe me or not 44 seconds, right after she hung up the washing machine stopped at 44 minutes, and right after that likr a movie a massive spider just appeared out of nowhere. Right after that whole 44 escalation went down, I was so freaked out that I went to a random number generator app just to test it and I promise I'm not lying it landed directly on 44.
There are even crazier things that have happened to me tied to all of this but I can't remember the exact details.
I know how crazy and irrational this sounds typing it out. People keep telling me it's just my brain making connections out of stress but when it happens this frequently and this perfectly it genuinely feels like either someone is pulling a massive prank on me or I am legitimately cursed.