r/magicalthinkingOCD

Hey everyone, I really need to vent because my paranoia is at an absolute peak right now and Idk how to handle this anymore.

I’ve struggled with Magical Thinking OCD for a while but lately Igenuinely feel like it isn't OCD anymore and that I’m actually cursed. The number 44 is one of my biggest trigger, and the sheer amount of "coincidences" tied to it feels way too perfect to just be random.

Earlier today, I decided to finally say F it and ignore my OCD, and usually when I take a shower I have this compulsion where I have to step in then step out and go back in. This time I refused to do the ritual and just stayed in. Immediately I slipped and almost smashed my head against the wall (something that has never happened to me before) It felt like a direct warning from the universe to keep doing the rituals coz literally, and I mean LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TIME I resist them something genuinely scary or catastrophic happens.

In a totally separate incident, I picked up my phone and my battery was at 44% and the YouTube video I had paused was perfectly paused at 44:44.

Another time after a really bad day full of weird coincidences my brain gave me a specific thought "When you count down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, someone will ring the doorbell" So I counted it down and the exact second I said 1 someone rang the doorbell. I have never received a random doorbell ring like that before and when I went to open the door absolutely nobody was there.

Another time, my mom called me at 4:44 PM, the call ended up lasting exactly 44 minutes and believe me or not 44 seconds, right after she hung up the washing machine stopped at 44 minutes, and right after that likr a movie a massive spider just appeared out of nowhere. Right after that whole 44 escalation went down, I was so freaked out that I went to a random number generator app just to test it and I promise I'm not lying it landed directly on 44.

There are even crazier things that have happened to me tied to all of this but I can't remember the exact details.

I know how crazy and irrational this sounds typing it out. People keep telling me it's just my brain making connections out of stress but when it happens this frequently and this perfectly it genuinely feels like either someone is pulling a massive prank on me or I am legitimately cursed.

Hi everyone!

I'm an MSc Psychology graduate that's suffered with OCD all my 45 years and am currently writing a book on the subject.

Rather than come at it from a self help or technical angle I'm writing about how it actually feels to live with OCD and how it affects us as sufferers.

Of course I'm comfortable writing about my own themes, obsessions and compulsions but I'm also looking for contributions from others that perhaps suffer from different ones.

I'm looking in particular for people that don't mind sharing their experiences with me whether they're light-hearted or heavy; funny or upsetting. Of course any contributions will be anonymous and identifying details changed or removed.

If you fancy helping out then please feel free to DM me.

Much love 💚

With my OCD, I’m sometimes genuinely afraid to say out loud that maybe I’ll do something or we’ll go somewhere in a few weeks/months. Even something completely harmless like, “Maybe we’ll go there next month.”

I get this feeling that if I acknowledge the plan or look forward to it, somehow fate will do the opposite just to spite me - like I’ll “jinx” it by talking about it. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like I’m tempting fate just by making plans.

Does anyone else experience something like this with OCD? Is this a thing for you too?

Has anyone had their OCD where it used to be specific but overtime it just became a fear that you would be able to make anything you think about come into reality. Same with coincidences, they had to be specific ones but now any coincidence freaks you out? I feel like I’m always in a state of worry. Additionally, I used to feel like doing compulsions could keep it from happening but it’s all blurred together to the point I don’t even think that anymore. I have these fears and I’m just convinced they’ll happen and there’s nothing I can do. Compulsions can relieve anxiety but I don’t think it can change the outcome.

I have probably talked about this here already, but I have noticed that once I start to get over one fear, my brain manufactures a new one. Some of the basic details may remain the same, but the lesser details, the "dressing" if you will, changes. This all really started a couple of weeks ago, where I started having fears that at nighttime when I sleep, I would become possessed, kill people around me, and go to another dimension the next morning to restart the cycle. When I started to get over that, it changed to me dooming another version of me in the universe to eventually harm others, and that there was nothing I could do to stop it. That one REALLY hit me hard, even though I knew it didn't make any sense. Then, the fears changed to me being trapped in some kind of loop by an evil force, like something out of "The Matrix". Next, it shifted to me being in an actual simulation (classic) and everyone and thing around me being fake. Now, it's telling me that when I close my eyes, even momentarily, I create an alternate reality where I do something bad.

Now, the fact that these fears keep changing is an obvious sign that it's all nonsense, but that doesn't prevent me from worrying. Whenever something big happens around me, part of my brain goes "What if that's a distraction because you're close to the truth" and more. I have been getting much better at ignoring this crap, but that can only do so much. Can anyone with experience explain why these fears are similar, but also different? I am not looking for reassurance, as I know that's not helpful, but I am just curious about this.

Thought Action fusion

so i was going to start something very iimportant from tomorrow but i looked at the date, it was 13 august n that suddenly struck my mind, as in my traditions -13 number is asociated with the total days of mourning...so felt like if i would start something on 13, someone would die- my family memeber, my gf or anyone associated with me...or may be something bad will occur? how can i tackle this? HELP

Alguien tiene pensamientos relacionados con sufrimiento eterno ?? Después de morir o en otras realidades? Además en mi caso los pensamientos no son pensamientos cualquiera, sino que se acompañan de sensaciones extrañas, como si fueran mágicas y pudieran hacer que algo sucediera….No entender qué son me causa mucha ansiedad. No sé describirlo en palabras

Hi! Since I was about 12 years old I’ve struggled with what I think is magical thinking ocd. It all started with me thinking “if x happens, then y will happen” and then it came true. I tried fighting this but then I noticed coincidences everywhere which I believed were signs that it was all true. Then I’d get more intense premonitions and the same thing would repeat. I started testing it with smaller “predictions” and then they’d come true. Everyone that I predicted would unfollow me, actually did. Every photo I predicted would be deleted, got deleted. Everytime I’d think something, it would show up in some way or another in the physical world. I want to believe it’s not real but I keep getting proven that it is. I am worried that if I have gotten all of these things correct, I will just keep getting my worst fears correct. Often times I think I’m losing my mind.

Hi everyone, I’d like to share something that makes me nervous and I’m wondering about , just to see if anyone happens to be knowledgeable about this.

It’s not a huge deal, but I go through recurring phases where while thinking something positive or neutral about someone I really love or admire an intrusive thought suddenly pops up wishing something bad would happen to them. To "fix" it, I immediately replay the thought but substitute my own name; for example, if the intrusive thought is "I hope she falls," I counter it by thinking, "I hope I fall."

Also, when I was ten, I had this compulsion where I felt that if I didn't tell my mother to wake up before I went to sleep, she wouldn't wake up again. I did this for at least a year, until I set my 11th birthday as the deadline to stop almost like a magic spell, lol.

Has anyone else experienced something exactly like this, or do you know what might cause it? Is it a way of coping with the inevitability of death?

I hope this is the right subreddit; if not, I'll delete the post!

Since I was young I have battled with OCD intrusive thoughts regarding my mom and death.

As an adult it’s been affecting me more now that my mom is getting older. She is doing fine but smokes and has most of her life (another contributor to my ocd fears around her) But recently her doctor found a small spot on her lung that needs to be taken out via wedge resection. Its thankfully a lower risk surgery but still scary nonetheless. Currently it’s looming on my mind as the surgery nears closer. I keep getting intrusive thoughts on how it will go and the fear of losing her overwhelms me.

To make matters worse I recently got into a misunderstanding argument with my spouse over something and without thinking I said the phrase “swear on my mothers life” just as an expression to say I’m not lying. And I wasn’t lying. But my spouse still thought I was and then I freaked out that I said such a thing and became overwhelmed with fear second guessing myself. It has been haunting me ever since it happened, even after my partner eventually understood what I meant and recognized I didn’t lie it was just a misunderstanding what I said.

But I keep having to reassure myself over and over that I wasn’t lying so no harm will come to my mom. Also so angry and disappointed in myself that I said it at all, I never have before but I think I said it cuz my spouse knows how much Iove my mom so for me to have said it at all ment I was being honest. Also I said it without thinking. Ughhh I feel so upset over it all, I keep wishing to go back and not have said it.

in short:

Overthinking about swearing on mothers life (with complete sincerity) but second guessing if there was any lie and fear over it hurting my mom. Filled with regret having said it at all.