u/Ok-Mulberry-2637

I feel that I am finally starting to break out of my mental prison of anxiety. I am still cautious about saying I am "done" with this (in fact, I may never be able to sadly), but I have noticed an extreme decline in my fears/intrusive thoughts.

My mind: "What if when you sleep, something will happen to you?'

Me: "We've been through this before *sshat"

Mind: "What about that conspiracy page that said if you change universes when you sleep, the changes would be so small you couldn't even notice it?"

Me: Are you seriously citing a conspiracy Reddit from 6 years ago? I'm not going to even respond to that"

Mind: "What about the Mandela Effect? Or all the times that you think of a song on the radio?"

Me: "I...give up dude"

Mind: "A-ha, so you admit that I am right! That means you're going to do X"

Me: * Michael Scott screaming *

Mind: "What if you're memories are fake? Or if you're absorbing ones from elsewhere? Remember Dark City?"

Me: "Are you just going to keep citing fiction?"

Mind: "Maybe I am actually your subconscious that is telling you the truth you know!"

Me: "Still talking?"

Mind: "You know, they said the person and their brain are the same. So really, I'm not saying these things, YOU ARE!"

Me: "Good night bro, we can worry about this tomorrow"

Mind: "Sure, totally 😉".

Hello again everyone. I have been posting and commenting on here for some time regarding my mental torment. I will not sugarcoat, it has been beyond brutal. I have started to see "connections" where there clearly are none, and feel almost panicked at the smallest of things. I keep going to bed after setting things up in certain places to look at when I wake up so I could see I wasn't traveling to a parallel universe as some internet wonks suggested. But then, I (stupidly) decided to look up my theories online, and it got even worse. I'm not going to name any subs because I don't want to cause harassment, but as you can imagine, people's ideas on the internet can get whacky. I read on one sub (that has since been deactivated) that "maybe the changes between reality are so small you can barely notice, like dust particles in your room" (I am paraphrasing a little). This caused me to start paying attention to almost EVERY SINGAL thing I saw throughout the day. I read about the "Mandela Effect" and recalled misremembering famous events as well ("Luke, I am your father", "Berenstein Bears" etc). Just as I was typing this, I "remembered" when I was little going to bed in the top bunk of a bunk bed, only to wake up in the bottom one. This only caused my anxiety, which was starting to decrease, to ratchet up again. I watched a video that more or less debunked the Mandela Effect (at least the idea of it being interdimensional) and felt pretty good at first. However, I looked in the comments, and I started doubting myself again.

The worst part about all of this is that I know deep down none of this makes sense (even by some sci-fi standards), but there's a smaller (or maybe not so small anymore) part that keeps nagging me with doubts of "What if this was a fake?" "How can you explain this?" and more. I can feel terrified not only for myself, but also for those around me. If I go to a different reality each time, then is my family the same ones from before? If I finally get past this, what if it's a trap?" "Are my family and friends in the other word safe?" "What if when I fall asleep, I turn into something else and harm someone without knowing?" "They don't know the truth of this" "The doctor is wrong or might even be in on it"! "What if we never can tell when we die because we just go to a different universe?" (Like "quantum immortality" or whatever ). It's even worse that these theories are technically non-falsifiable, even if they're very clearly unlikely.

That part dragged on a little, I'm sorry. I just wanted to convey the severity of this in my mind and life. I think a huge part of this is the fact that I recently graduated college, and also could not get a job because I had to help take care of my grandmother (who recently passed). This left me essentially trapped indoors, with only limited time outside. With nothing else to really do, my mind started inventing things to think about. The worst thing about that is when my grandmother passed, I still couldn't shake the thoughts and doubts. I feel like this has almost crippled my ability to enjoy things, though I still can often.

However, I do feel that I am improving. I might never be fully rid of this crap, but I have been able to let the thoughts reside without letting them bother me too much. I hope I can reach a point where I can finally put this stuff to bed (no pun intended) but it is possible that might never happen. Even so, I still think I can manage them without constant reassurance. I realize that this post has gone way further than I was expecting, but I feel that talking about this stuff in detail feels helpful.

As mentioned previously, my fears of interdimensional B's and other paranoia's have greatly reduced. However, I still have my moments here and there. Last night, I feel asleep with the TV on (yeah I know it's not healthy but that's not the main topic). I don't remember when exactly I fell asleep, but I don't remember turning the TV off. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed the TV was turned off, which I already mentioned I did not remember happening. This has happened before so I wasn't entirely shocked but I did kind of unnerve me a little given what's been going on in my head. Then later in the morning today I was sitting in bed and I was closing my eyes (Not even asleep but just temporarily) when I got this feeling in my head . It felt almost like a residual hit, and I thought I even heard a noise. Once again, I knew that there likely was not anything to this beyond just a simple body ache or maybe muscle movement. Still though, it bothered me for a little bit. That is the one problem with this crap. It caused me to see any normal body action or reaction as something more than it really is. Like having a sudden twitch in bed? Oh well that has to be because of so and so. Feeling a little light-headed? That means that actually this is happening to your dimensional hive whatever the crap. Still I know that there's nothing to this but still bothers me anyway, especially as I'm trying to get over this and I feel like I am overall. Is this normal?

Since I last posted, I have noticed a huge improvement with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I feel more comfortable in the morning, and am not as overcome with dread. I still have times where I will start feeling scared about this and that, but overall, I feel much better. Earlier today, I was having a pretty good time, when I was hit with the thoughts again ("This is not your reality" etc.) and this time, it told me that it was my true conscious, and that it was somehow true. As weird as this sounds, I have taken to picturing the various parts of my mind as people, and try to almost talk to them (in my head of course, not out loud). Today, the thoughts tried to appear as some person I hadn't visualized before, which unnerved part of me, as I wondered if that meant it was real.

I know there is ultimately nothing to this, and I have come a long way (I feel) in overcoming the problem. Still, that doesn't mean that it's going away anytime soon. However, I do feel I have improved.

I feel like after subjecting everyone in these subreddit's to nearly every detail of my problems, it's probably fair that I share some good news here too. Over the past couple of days, I have noticed that my anxieties and intrusive thoughts are not as pressing as they were a few weeks ago. Obviously, I don't feel confident enough to say I'm fine now (in fact, I have kind of accepted that some of these fears will be with me forever) but I do currently feel a lot better than previously. I hope this is a good sign, but I will see if this is so.

It's been a few days since I last posted here. I think I have started to feel better gradually, but I still have my bumps. Earlier this morning, I started hearing a Linkin Park song in my head. Sometime later, I watched a video wherein the poster referenced Linkin Park. Then, I told myself "I will probably see something about Chicago today" as a way to calm myself down. Then, a film channel I like dropped a video about a movie shot in Chicago. The video then referenced a film I was also thinking about. Also last night, I watched a video about a horror film, which apparently included taking care of a senile older person (something I am doing currently).

My brain was having a field day with this stuff ("That many times? How can that be a coincidence?") and it's annoying. I know there is nothing to this, but I get so terrified by this stuff.

I have mentioned too many times here my various paranoia's and fears about reality, those around me, and more. No matter how hard the evidence against them is, the thoughts only grow. It's the absolute worst in the morning, though it thankfully recedes gradually over the day. Around night time, I feel generally okay and normal (almost). Then, the cycle repeats itself the next day. As someone who has virtually zero understanding of psychology, I am wondering if these are signs of a delusion? I am wondering that because delusions are usually defined by one believing them despite the clear evidence against them. However, in my case, I don't want to believe this stuff, but it comes anyway. This only increases Intrusive thoughts (like "Maybe this is because you actually know it's true") which bothers me more.

I have been suffering what I can only guess is extreme derealization, intrusive thoughts and anxiety for (roughly) the past month. My brain will hyper fixate on the most insignificant crap imaginable. Earlier today, two hospice workers came in to see my grandmother (who is currently needing a lot of assistance). The first one was a lady named "Stephanie", which my brain connected to a character from a film I saw that disturbed me. Then, another guy came by whose first name is the same as the last name of an author whose book I have next to my bed. I know there is absolutely no connection, but my mind thought otherwise. I saw that he had tattoos, and my mind immediately began sounding alarms about the guy even though he did nothing to warrant it. I ended up watching the guy pull out of my driveway, and then my mind flipped out when I saw he put on sunglasses. This mental Bs is making me doubt and see connections in stuff I know aren't there. It's gotten to the point where I have started having paranoid thoughts about my dog, which really disturbs me.

I realize I shouldn't probably be using Reddit as a journal, but sometimes it feels good to put what is bothering me out there. Hope anyone who is reading this is doing well.

Between the Beldam from "Coraline", Baghuul from "Sinister", and It from, well, "It", which of these ancient, child consuming entities could win in a fight?

I'm trying to joke around this, so I will try to shorten it. My fears have now gone from me going to different worlds at night, to me actually being an intergalactic traveler who is only activated at night (so I guess it's not too different from my other fears actually). Talk about Main Character Syndrome. My brain (or part of it anyway) loves coming up with new ways to distort my view of reality, and it's SOOOOO fun! I know that derealization often accompanies intrusive thoughts and anxiety, so this can be expected. I have found that when I do go to sleep, I try to "talk" to the OCD, and I visualize it as a person. Whatever words it says are of course manufactured by my brain, but it feels good to try and confront it. I was doing pretty well recently, so I am annoyed by this. I want to be able to go back to falling asleep and waking up feeling comfortable, to not fear doing something I wouldn't, and to just feel normal. I want to watch/read great fiction and not feel like it's sending me some cryptic message, or feeling like anything that comforts me is some trick.

I didn't mean to turn this into another rambling round, but I just like to hear other people's advice on this. It probably doesn't help that I graduated college recently, have no job, and am currently going through some personal stuff. Maybe I should stop talking here and go to an actual professional, or maybe constantly posting on here is just another type of reassurance that I don't need. Regardless, I hope this reaches someone in need.

I know the title sounds odd, but let me explain. A huge part of my OCD/intrusive thoughts is the fear that if I finally begin to feel "normal" again, it's a trap and then something bad will happen (I've already explained my fears enough in this subreddit, so just look up my posts here if you want to know the specifics). This is probably the worst part of this mess, as I feel it's one of the main obstacles to me getting over this. I hate going to bed at night and wondering if I will wake up in the same place (even though the rational part of my brain points out that I will). The self-doubt OCD and anxiety brings is a whole other level of pain. Is this common?

It's a shame this film was such a let down, because there were parts of it that had great potential. The Christmas tape, as I have mentioned in a previous post, was genuinely disturbing and now makes me feel scared of snow lol (I'm also never looking at hot cocoa the same way again 😂). The rat killing tape, though extremely over the top, was still crazy to watch. James Ransone (rest in peace) did a great performance as So-and-So, and so did Shannyn Sossamon. I feel like the child actors did the best they could with less than good writing. The real problem with the film was that the writers focused way more on making gory scenes and jump scares than actually conveying an effective plot. They basically turned it into a weird divorce drama with some murderous entity thrown in lol.

I wonder if we will ever see a sequel or a continuation of the series in some way. Unfortunately, given how lackluster S2 was, we likely won't. Then again, Sinister was the kind of film that didn't really need a sequel to begin with, and I think creating one stripped the mystery away completely (as James J said himself in his Kill Count video on this). Also, it's a shame Nicholas King (who played Mr. Boogie himself) never got much recognition in the film industry after this.

It's hard to believe that Koji Suzuki, the creator of "The Ring" series, died earlier this year. His book series inspired not only Japanese and American adaptations, but also separate films like "Sinister". He will be missed by horror fans everywhere.

I can't say I'm surprised by this, but that doesn't make it easier. I have already talked about my disturbing intrusive thoughts at length in previous posts on this subreddit (fears that I am going to harm my family and/or others if I fall asleep, then go into a different reality, fears that the world isn't real, etc). Now, it's got a new card for me: that anytime I close my eyes for more than a blink, I can form another reality where something bad will happen, whereas my reality is fine. I also have been getting the fear that "what if these bad things are happening out there, and there's nothing I can do to stop it?" and "What if this is all a sadistic game for someone or thing?". Another one is that I'm trapped in a simulation (something a lot of people have) and that I can't trust anyone. Parents? Doctors? Subreddits? No, it's all a trick. These are even worse because they are technically non-falsifiable.

I know this is beyond laughable, that this makes zero sense even by the most whacky sci-fi standards. However, reassurance, as I am sure most of y'all know, only delays the thoughts and fears before they inevitably return. I often feel hesitant to fall asleep, even though I know I shouldn't. Waking up in the morning feels like the worst part of the day, as my now awake brain gets flooded with fears and paranoia. I have noticed that taking Zoloft in the morning does help tremendously (for me anyway). This reminds me that the thoughts are just that, thoughts (if they were coming from some supernatural/otherworldly source, would some measily pills be able to relax me?). However, the classic "What ifs" are the biggest road blocks for me, which I am trying to let pass. What if the reason everything seems like it was the day before because the consciousness of the previous reality has been transferred here? (Which doesn't make sense if something is a *different* universe) What if the world gets recycled and reset when I go to sleep and wake up? What if when I feel like I'm getting better, THAT'S when x will happen? What if one good day here is a bad day elsewhere? What if, what if, what if, what if?!!!

I have real, serious problems happening in my life, and I don't need to have these fictions clogging my head. Sorry for the long post, but I just felt like venting lol. Are fears of sleeping common among people with OCD and/or magical thinking? If so, how did you manage to get it under control? I am not seeking reassurance, but I am just hoping people out there know what I am going through.

Basically all of the home videos in the "Sinister" series (yes, even the mediocre sequel) are varying degrees of disturbing. The soundtrack that accompanies them plays a huge role in conveying the atmosphere. For the first film, I think "Pool Party" spooked me the most. The juxtaposition from a happy family playing around to them being drowned, combined with the music, haunted me (not literally lol).

In "Sinister 2", "Christmas Morning" really fucked me up. It goes from a seemingly loving family celebrating, to them getting buried in the snow. Not to mention the closing shot of the mom's face. The music ("Not Saved" by the goat Ulver) really sold the scene too. That, along with the "Sunday Service" tape are probably the only memorable parts of an otherwise passable movie. What are your top picks from Baghuulbuster?

Despite being set in a mostly realistic world, RDR2 is filled with many scary and supernatural elements, be it the Night Folk, the ghost of Agnes Dowd, Strange Man and more. I still remember my first time getting jumped by the Night Folk even though it was at daytime (it was after shooting down the hanging victim, which can happen outside of nighttime apparently) . Another creepy one for me was finding the "pig-man" thing near Van Horn. How about you guys?