WIBTA if I divorce my wife because of her illness
I’m a first time Reddit poster and need some help.
I’m a 47M and am married to a 45F. We have been married for almost 28 years. Yes I know that we were really young when we married. We have two young children (9F and 11M) that we homeschool. My wife has come down with some serious medical issues. I work 5 days a week for about 10 hours a day. My day usually starts at 3am. So when I get home I’m typically very exhausted and just want to relax for a few minutes before I have to start making dinner and cleaning the house. The first thing I do when I get home from work, I go upstairs and check in on my wife to see if she’s okay. I usually find her feeling really bad and then I find out that she hasn’t eaten or drank anything all day. This usually makes her even more sick. I then have to make her some lunch and then make the kids some food because they haven’t eaten either, except for whatever breakfast they make for themselves. This doesn’t take me to long, but when I finally get everybody fed, I then have to help the kids with their schoolwork and I hen I have to start getting dinner ready and clean up the house some. I have tried discussing these issues with my wife many times and it always comes back to that she’s too sick to do anything. My days off are always spent with me cleaning the house because it doesn’t feel clean enough for her. I do understand this is because of her anxiety. I have no social interaction with friends or anyone outside of work or kid’s sports.
I do everything around the house and with the family. I plan all the meals, I do all the laundry, I do all the shopping for groceries and clothes. I have to make sure everyone is taken care of. I get no help or input from my wife outside of complaints that there is nothing to eat or the house is not clean enough. I shop at least 2x a week for groceries so there’s plenty of food in the house, but she says she can’t make herself anything, not even a sandwich.
Our s*x life is non existent, maybe 3 times a year. My love language is touch which she knows but she doesn’t hug or kiss me and shuts me down even when I want a hug or cuddle. I don’t push s*x anymore because I’m just done being rejected.
I know I married her through sickness and in health, but I feel as though this marriage is only one sided. Like I feel like I’m just her butler with some benefits. I often get frustrated with her because she won’t go get herself anything to eat or drink and will let herself get sicker. Which then makes me have to do damage control and try to fix her issue. Now I know that I could make things easier by having meals and drinks ready for her in the fridge, but I’ve done that before and the food just sat there and went bad because she wasn’t feeling like eating that. Also someone usually needs to bring it up to her.
She is usually different around her friends and family. She has all this energy and does things around the house, but as soon as they leave she’s back in her room too sick to do anything. I then have to clean up the disaster that was left my family or friends. I can’t lie, I’m very jealous of her energy during these visits and I do get mad at her for not giving me any. She doesn’t like to go out unless to doctors appointments, so we haven’t been on a date in several years despite me planning several. I have even planned date nights at home with her and got my mother in law to watch the kids. Same results as before and I’m left cleaning the house by myself so that it’ll be clean when the kids come back home.
She has never worked. I have supported her and our family since we’ve been married. I make a decent living and we live quite comfortably. I don’t want to leave her stranded with nothing, but she can’t take care of our children and I feel that they are suffering because of it.
Sorry this has been long, but I’m just tired and don’t know what else to do.
So WIBTA for divorcing my wife because of her illness?
Edit- for all those concerned about us homeschooling. We have a good program where they watch certified teachers who teach their subjects. We have to test them and submit their tests and work for scores. This program is accredited and we take them in to get their standardized tests done and they greatly exceed their grade and the national average. I just help when they don’t fully understand the subject. They are also in many social programs and sports that I take them to.