How do I [31/m] explain to my wife [27/f] that it upsets me when she asks my opinion, just to react negatively when my opinion isn't the answer she wants?
Basically things like would you rather do X or Y? And I say Y and she goes like "oh I just thought it would be really nice if we could do X but that's okay I guess"
So now when I get these questions I usually just say I don't care you can pick, except she will insist for my opinion and then again react negatively.
It's like she doesn't really want my opinion she just wants her opinion said back to her in my voice. Like usually I genuinely do not care, so I try to pick the option I think she will want. But sometimes I do have an opinion and I guess what can I say or discuss with her to let her know it feels really bad when she does this? I have brought it up before but the conversation never goes anywhere, so looking for advice or if anyone else has gone through this.
Just as an aside our marriage is great, she is great, and this doesn't happen that often. But when it does she just doesn't get why it upsets me
ETA: just to clear some things up- this is almost always minor things. Like where to eat or where to go hiking. Generally I do not have a preference or opinion. A lot of comments suggested asking for her preference before I answer, as long as I genuinely do not care. But the issue is she wants my approval regardless of if I care or not, so that doesn't always work. I do believe it to be anxiety related, not a control thing. Because the times i do actually have a strong opinion this doesn't usually happen.
I am in individual therapy and have encouraged her to seek our her own, going to more strongly suggest this, I think it would help and I think she knows it would too.