(wrote this while crying and made myself giggle)

I hope you guys are doing better than I am. And if you aren’t i’m sorry. REALLY sorry. And i’m always willing to chat.

I have to study for my midterms tomorrow and I’ve been super depressed and lethargic. Last week i was incredibly irritable. My environment reflects my emotional state so often. How i do EVERYTHING too. Disorganized and asymmetrical; constantly tipping from one end to the other trying to balance. Im hoping it is PMDD and that this will pass and that i don’t need to up or change meds again. anyway, thats me for now❤️

Enjoy your Sundays everyone.

it’s raining and i hear my little brother occasionally screech
i can hear it alongside his pitter patter outside my door
he’s happy.
i smell bacon that my step mom is cooking
none for me though
i already had a bit of lasagna
Baked it with my best friend yesterday
was our first time, we will never be the same
I wish i felt however i used to feel. I can’t remember exactly how what I’m longing for felt, but i know it was more normal than this. More present and such.

i could really use a chat maybe.

first day back to classes tomorrow. a little terrified. did someone say fakemink?

Costed me $120 hair excluded :>
Clear out/dematting, wash, condition, blow out included.

hey. how are you doing right now, person?

I went to a friend’s birthday party at her pool yesterday. I brought the pizzas and icecream. I was very nervous beforehand as I already wasn’t feeling well at all. I took my meds before leaving for the party and ended up throwing up. It was awful. Headache too. Shakiness. So, I’ve decided to stop taking my lithium until I get my levels checked 😬

But anyway, to be honest, the vibes were effortless. It was the six of us and we talked and laughed for hours and hours. We held hands, hugged, played games, drank wine, sung loudly and danced to music. It was my first time hanging out with three of them but they are absolute darlings.

I have been under a grueling and taxing schedule at home. It has been a lot on my body and mind just being at home for periods of time cleaning and taking care of my brothers and pets. Fortunately, I got to go out with my friends and have an amazing time.

Now, today my step mom woke me up saying we have a lot of work to do (lol I don’t even have my stimulants right now). Sigh. So, good times don’t always last but good moments can still always be found right? Even in bad times or hard times. I’m still riding the high of yesterday a bit and that’s nice. I’ve got this.

ANY encouragement or ADVICE or tips in regard to this physical and emotional labour whilst being schizoaffective is greatly appreciated.

I’VE GOT THIS.

Ive been trying to do this thing where i seriously acknowledge how crap i feel whilst somehow clawing my way to the other side of things.
Theres a strange but definite peace to be felt when you just accept “it”. when you take it and even if you’re limping, you keep moving.
I have a grating relationship with this sentiment. I hate it. yet, i find myself here again, experiencing it, and being made familiar with it against my will. I don’t know yet what to make of it but i know i have shit to do regardless.

i’m going to complete mopping and keep listening to charli xcx’s new album. really like it so far.
Hope you’re okay. 🐞

Missed out on my meds for about a week. time was weird. I’m back on them now though. Hopefully i shake this feeling soon. other than that i’m doing pretty good. saw my friend for the first time in over a month. We got food. that was nice. i really hope you guys are doing okay. good even.

I shook violently for so much of the movie. 😭
that was the most physically excited i’ve ever been in my life. I really thought i was going to have a seizure or a heart attack and that was pretty scary tbh.

I actually went in completely blind knowing nothing of these bodies of works. These stories. And admittedly very little of greek mythology.

If anyone wants to feed me the kuku soup and gorge me with greek mythology info, i’d be delighted :)

I want to make friends and share art. Hi Xx. 21F

I also had a thought. 🤔

I know that manic and depressive episodes can often be traumatic, life altering and just awful but for me there are times i look back and can’t help but laugh at some of the positions I found myself in. Do you have any manic/depressive moments that you find funny in hindsight ? I’m all ears :> no judgment here Xx

It’s so damn hot. MY GOD. does anyone else’s meds make them over heat these days especially? like to the point of almost passing out or nausea? It SUCKS.

Did this look when I was bored and had no where to go.

Used:
•Maybelline Fit me Liquid foundation, shade coconut 355
•Beauty store Jumbo, dark brown lip/eye pencil.
•Beauty store jumbo, black, lip/eye pencil.
•Laneige lip mask.
•My mom’s old lipstick as blush(brand unknown)

Sorry it isn’t the full ten, I’m not on my account right now and this was the only screenshot I could find.

Hi everyone :)

Happy father’s day to all the people whose fathers died. To the people whose fathers have dementia or Alzheimer’s. To the people whose fathers are sick and fighting something.

I almost lost mine and I am sorry if you lost yours and carry the pain.

And happy father’s day to all the beautiful, present and dedicated fathers.

Enjoy your day dudes :> Here’s some flowers for you: 💐

Hi everyone. It’s so hot.

i got my concerta finally after like a month and it was so damn expensive man.

But it will help with my energy levels and regulation a lot more. so that’s good.

I am motivated to do good, to respect my body and personhood and remain steadfast within a love ethic. But more than motivated, I am determined. So I know i’ll get tired or hurt or overwhelmed and that’s okay. It is normal. for us especially. And it will not be my end. I got this, you got this. As long as we’re alive we reroute and keep going; resting and sipping drinks along the way. I’m sick of simply surviving in my own mind let alone the world. So, I am going to ram head first into goodness within myself and life. I won’t be afraid or ashamed of love, reliance, joy or seclusion.

So….I also wanna know. How are youuuu guys feeling and doing ?

I wanna give myself a pat on the back and i will but lithium itself has initiated and facilitated so many improvements in regards to my feelings of being overwhelmed to that point. I get overwhelmed/stressed now and I navigate, adapt more often.

It’s like I had found my footing but had no stability to maintain it. Now, my ground feels still. No thrashing, no fighting, no slipping. just some fucking peace finally. I don’t feel like i’m drowning so much anymore. I was really afraid to start lithium. But it has helped so much I want to cry.

Anyway, i guess this is your reminder to take your meds, check in with your mental health professional/doctor, read something, drink something refreshing, hit up a friend or GO TO SLEEP. Enjoy your sunday guys. Hope your week is unforgettable in a good way.

i love them so much

I wrote this song about my aunt who I am now no contact with. I was going through a terrible depression whilst living with her due to her treatment and my mental health exasperating each other. It was truly a lot.

But i found peace and understanding in my words, my voice and my guitar. This song is just a recorded moment of one of the many instances I came up for air. I hope you guys like it. I hope it touches you.

It’s called: ‘Me After You (2005)’