How to write a response letter to my in laws?
Long story short- I don’t have much of a relationship with my in laws and never have.
My husband (M 25) and I (F 23) got married last month. We’ve been together since August of 2020. He’s never had much of a relationship with his parents. When we started dating, I figured “oh it’s probably just normal teenager parent relationships). He really didn’t want me around his family (I was 17 and he was 19). I couldn’t understand why. I told him family was important to me and I didn’t want to be with someone who wouldn’t bring me around his family.
Then I met them-and within a year I quickly realized why. They’re the type of people that had a child too young and shouldn’t have had one to begin with. They constantly nagged him. Even though he was taking care of their farm, outdoor work, etc.. They started charging him rent because “when we were your age, we didn’t have opportunities like you, and it’s hard to live”. These are the same people who drive new cars, go on vacations multiple times a year (they never invite their children after they turn 18)., they have nice trailers, ATVS, etc, etc. and his mom doesn’t work outside of the home. So they’re very comfortable.
Around 2021-2023 my husband started to mend the relationship with his parents, kinda. I wanted to spend time with his siblings (big age gaps) so we spent every Sunday evening with his family for the most part. I would speak to his mom and try to get to know her. She’s not easy to talk to, and if you say one wrong thing she’ll hate you. I’m pretty loud and carefree. But his parents aren’t the kind you can joke with.
Anyways, around 2024 my husband started to work every weekend. So we stopped going to his families. I noticed pretty quickly that they never spoke to me unless I was at a holiday or at their house. Never anything in between.
At that same time I started pouring myself into my small business-I did events all over our local communities. His parents told me numerous times that they’d come-and they never once did. That proved to me pretty quickly that the road only went one way.
In 2025, my husband had a huge falling out with his parents. Before the big fight, we got engaged in April of 2025. When we told them, they had no reaction. His mom hates weddings. She told him a couple years ago “when you guys get married, don’t ask for anything because I hate weddings, and the most I’ll do I show up”. (The details of the falling out are too long for this, but his parents were mad about an inheritance that would be given to my husband by another family member.) Around November, it really hit the fan. His parents tried to corner him into giving up the inheritance. Telling him “you’re taking a handout, and you’re a disappointment” although this inheritance is a thank you from a family member, who’s he’s helped out for 10 years. In the same fight, his dad almost assaulted him. He assaulted his fridge instead.
Over the years, I’ve sent nice gifts, homemade desserts attended the younger siblings life events, made multiple gifts (I’m an artist) taken the younger ones out to restaurants and shopping. Last Christmas, they sent a gift with my husband, it embraced him so much he wouldn’t even give it to me. It was a candle and a notebook from the dollar store. It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s the absolute total lack of effort. I’ve been with their son for 6 years, and all I am to them is a random notebook and a regifted candle.
So the final straw-we got married out of state. Surprisingly they came. I paid for all the siblings tuxes, shoes, gifts, hair, etc. mostly as a thank you for coming, #2, I knew they wouldn’t get what we asked. I spent well over $1000 on them alone. I also got my MIL a gift as well. Pajamas that I made, and earrings that I had someone custom make for the entire bridal party. I learned after the fact that she didn’t wear them (which I figured) and she complained about them. But the real kicker-she didn’t say a single word to me the entire wedding day. Mind you, there were only 20 people there. My in laws barely spoke to their son either.
My husband called them out on it when we got home. She wrote me a letter to apologize. And although I appreciate the effort, I honestly believe she only did it because he called her out.
We’re both done. He’s felt so unloved for 25 years. If we accept the apology, it won’t be long before they do some other stupid shit.
Honestly I just want them to leave us alone. I want to write a response letter in detail about the way they’ve treated their son, and the absolute disrespect on our wedding day.
Thoughts??
EDIT TO ADD: ALL grandparents are still living-so that makes in somewhat difficult. We will still have to see them at holidays. I will add, all grandparents have treated me so WELL since day one. Both grandmothers talk to me honestly at least once a week. My MILs mom is somewhat aware of the way they act. As my husband is extremely close to them. My FIL mother is also very close, however she is somewhat nieve to the way they treat their kids. My MIL is a total different person when she’s around her MIL…it’s really the only time she’s nice.
I’ll also add, that his parents literally can’t get along with anyone. At some point they’ve gone no contact with almost every parent and their siblings at some point. They really are the common denominator 🤣🤦🏻♀️