am i lesbian or bi?
okay this all started with me reading my old journals. when i was 12 (for reference, I'm 19 now and have been identifying as lesbian since i was 17) i had an obsession with a male celebrity and some of the men he was in the band he was in. i literally called him my husband and said an alternative universe i would be his wife. i also shipped him and one his bandmates together (genuinely don't know why, it wasn't really a sexual thing to be honest). at the time, i knew i was somewhat attracted to women but didn't really have a name for it yet. This is gonna sound so dumb but for some reason it just didn't occur to me that women could date each other, lmao, so that's why I guess why I shipped famous men together. Anyways, later I identified as pan asexual, and then homoromantic bisexual, and then queer, and then lesbian. for me, i always thought my obsession with this certain band member wasn't necessarily sexual, more just an extension of how obsessed I was with the band, like back then it was like half my personality and all i thought about. again, i know this sounds a little silly but my obsession with this famous man was why i was so hesitant to call myself a lesbian (and still am) because I thought if i ever had any attraction to any man at any point in my life that I was bisexual. now, I know i'm only attracted to women and would only date, sleep, and marry a woman. for me, a lot of my "attraction" to men was like how i feel towards a painting or a mountain, beautiful, but i would never have sex with or date one, and dating a man would feel like dating a painting for me lol. to go back to my main point, i just go on certain lesbian subreddits and their like if you ever had a celebrity crush on a man then you're bisexual. and i guess i could say i had a crush on a celebrity man, but i just don't think that label fits me or maybe it's just internalized biphobia idk.