Why "But they are your parents" should mean anything?!
Re-watching Stargate SG-1 for the first time since childhood and I was very plesantly surprised how generally great show it still is, even after the years, as an adult. Interesting ideas, philosophical and moral dilemmas, bravery and explisons... However the latest episode left a bit of a bad taste:
One of the main characters (Vala) is estranged from her father. Suddenly he appears out of nowhere, requesting refuge on Earth in exchange for some information, and the government grants it. Afterwards, he's continuously pushing for reconciliation with Vala. She doesn't want to, and explains pretty clearly why not - he was never there, always only thinking about himself, lies and false promises - in a nutshell absent deadbeat father. She even explains she's been giving him chances all her childhood but he never came through.
Regardless of this, the other characters keep pushing her into the reconciliation, because "he's her father and he's trying".
At one point she tells a story how the father would always bring her some thrinket from his travels, and she'd treasure those. Until she grew up and finally saw these gifts for what they truly were - not gifts of love from a father, but bribes to make her like him and always forgive him without him having to change. In response one of the other characters ask her - but when he actually WAS present, was it nice? Do you have some good memories? And when she says yes, the character continues to tell her that in that case she needs to try to reconcile because "it wasn't always bad so it's worth hanging on to".
Like fuck the hell not!!
Seriously, this is not the first instance I see this narative in movies/shows and it angers me every time. Why is it always the child's responsibility to be forgiving and keep giving endless chances, when it obvioulsy never brings anything to the child except for more emotional suffering; just because they share DNA with the adult? You do not become a parent by bringing a child into this world. You become a parent by actually spending time with the child, parenting. When the "parent" never showed up for the kid, why is it percieved as such a horrible thing to just cut the parent off?
Even if they genuinely are trying, they truly changed and they want to "make things right" it's not something they should be entitled to.
Personally, I don't see a reason why an adult child of such parent would even want to go through this. Like I needed my parent when I was 10. But alas, had to learn to take care of myself. So I do not have any use for a "parent" now, when I'm adult and fully self sufficient.
The parent-child bond is not created via DNA. It's created by hard work, as any other human relationship. If you didn't care to work on this bond with the child, there is nothing to call on to when the kid is an adult.
Children do not onw anything to their parents by default!!
Rant over.