u/Gas7378

My partner has a bpd diagnosis. She attended group dbt for a year before she met me. I think she genuinely has it. I couldn't tolerate her behaviours anymore hence we spoke about it and she agreed to go to therapy.

Lately I am confused because it seems that the theme of the therapy sessions has been her therapist outright denying she has bpd when my partner brings up our recent fights and issues. She seems to think my partner has autism instead and has recently said I am an abuser. I am so confused and wrecked with guilt over this. Not to mention the most shocking to hear her therapist is starting to tell her to save her money and be prepared and has recommended her an outhouse in case she needs it. Her therapist also used the word "red flag" on the first session and doesn't seem to let it go every session that my partner is being abused.

I have never laid a finger on my girlfriend. I however do believe I have over time become despondent and drained by the emotional instability and dismissal from the start of our relationship to the point where I now lash out back at her. I have given up in a sense to where my resentment is so big that when she dismisses me with her bpd traits I cannot help but want to tell her how much she has hurt me because I am confused and bitter about how over 3 years she can not see her pattern and adapt. I lash out because everytime it happens I feel trapped in that it will never change. I expressed this to her before hence the reason she agreed to get therapy. However, I am constantly confused as to what gets spoken about in the sessions. I am afraid of my girlfriend using the sessions to further perpetuate a one-sided victim stance, either knowingly or not.

Recently we had a fight where I felt cornered by her defensive and self-righteous state hence I had what was probably my biggest verbal degration towards her I will admit the things I said were not good. She was obviously very hurt. After the fight I now find it strange that she then decided to tell me what had been going on in her therapy sessions (regarding her therapist insisting I'm abusive). I can't help but feel it was not right the way she revealed this to me after I believe she pushed me. I am resentful as it felt as though she finally had it confirmed from her therapist and decided to reveal it to me in my vulnerable state of being upset over the fight and guilt at my lash out. I can't help but replay how she looked into my eyes with a certain tone of sadness and said "my therapist keeps telling me you're an abuser" and "you know how you've said before that you have reactive abuse towards me? Well don't you think I maybe have reactive abuse to you?" To which in my state of guilt I said yes.

All of this is messing with my head and I am riddled with guilt and self perception issues. I don't know what to believe or how to see myself anymore. In the past my partner has been instantly receptive to what anyone says if told, even at times when it contradicted her own values. I am worrying about the effectiveness of therapy if she does have bpd... I am very lost.

Stressing out about MATH1050

My partner's therapist says I am an abuser