This has been bothering me lately
I early 20s female work at a university parking office. There are student workers (like me) who man the desks (check out customers, check if vehicles are in violation, etc.), and there are parking officers who are responsible for being outside, writing tickets, and handling traffic situations. Student workers are college age, and officers are all at least 30+ (majority older).
We don’t work closely together since they’re usually outside and we stay in the office. The only time we really interact is when they come in for breaks or to talk to a manager. Generally, everyone has a good working relationship, says hi, and then goes back to work. It’s a pretty normal and casual environment. It wouldn’t necessarily be strange for us to stop and have a conversation about something, whether or not it is parking related.
But I did notice one officer (I’ll call him “Leo”) would sometimes stay around and try to start conversations with me more than others, and just in general linger. I can’t remember exact examples since it was over a year ago, but I remember feeling uncomfortable and like I needed to politely end conversations quickly. I do want to add that he is friendly with other coworkers in my area, but it just felt like he was really trying to continue conversations once he got them started with me.
The next big thing I remember is waking up for work and seeing a follow request from Leo. It was around 4:30–5am when he requested to follow me (a few months after I started working there). For context, I don’t follow any of my coworkers at this point and have never been recommended any of them on Instagram. My Instagram is my full name, but I have a common first name and a somewhat unique last name. I don’t believe my account would be easily found just by searching my name. I ended up asking a coworker who had been there longer than me if any of the officers followed her on social media. She said some of the officers follow a couple of the other coworkers on Facebook, she thinks, and asked me why. I explained the follow request and the time it happened. She said she didn’t think it was anything. Though right after that she did go and tell our boss.
A couple weeks later, I went out with that coworker and a couple of my guy coworkers. The coworker I told about the follow request ended up telling the rest of the group as well. One of the guys asked which account it was because he has a couple of accounts and was trying to see if Leo followed him as well (I don’t know if he actually did). Later, that same guy made a comment essentially saying that a guy does something and a girl thinks he’s flirting. It wasn’t directed at me specifically, but it made me feel like maybe I was overreacting.
Even though all of this made me uncomfortable, I decided I would just keep my mouth shut and stay professional. When Leo would come into the office, I would stay focused on my work and not engage, even when he was talking to other people in the office. I did notice he would eventually try to drag me into conversations by directly asking my opinion on things, to the point where I felt I had to respond or risk being rude. I would still keep my eyes on my work and answer briefly.
Other times, I would be in the middle of conversations with coworkers and then Leo would come in and try to join. I would turn back to my work, but he would still try to get me to engage. For example, someone brought in ice cream and my coworker was asking what flavors I wanted when Leo walked in. I said vanilla and strawberry. Then Leo said, “What, you don’t like chocolate?” I turned toward my desk with my back to him and said, “No.” He continued, “Wow, how could you not like chocolate?” and “What, you don’t like any chocolate?” I said no I don’t and went back to my work.
Another moment that stood out is when he was in a coworker’s office and the topic of weddings came up, and Leo quoted a line from a movie I would say is niche for an over 35-year-old man. That movie is actually my phone lock screen. I would hope I’m not on my phone enough at work for someone who doesn’t even work in the office to notice that, but still. I will say he does make voice impressions and knows superhero references, but this still felt a bit far-fetched to casually bring up. This was also after months of me keeping to myself and not engaging unless necessary.
This one may be more far-fetched, but during the summer Leo started leaving through the front door of the building when he was leaving. This stood out because officers always leave through the back door, and I always leave through the front. I never know when they leave unless they say bye as they are walking out. For a few weeks, I noticed we were leaving around the same time and he was using the front door. This was a couple weeks after he took back his Instagram request. There could be a legitimate reason for that, but combined with everything else it made me feel weird.
More recently, there was a situation where a car was wrongfully booted, so I had to ask one of the officers to go back and remove the boot. Around 15–20 minutes later, Leo came into the office and asked if we also removed the ticket from the car when the boot was removed. I said I didn’t know and kept doing my work. The office and all officers are able to hear radio communication regarding tickets and boots, meaning if Leo was concerned, he could have asked that officer directly as he has done before. He seemed a bit more aggravated and said something like, “Well we should probably get that off the car.” I said, “Do you want me to call them all the way back out there?” He said yes, and I cut the conversation short to radio the officer. He seemed frustrated and was explaining why the ticket needed to be removed. I continued working and he eventually left. I do understand why that is important, and I didn’t think about it until a few minutes after I contacted the officer. I later noted it in the system in case the customer called, so it wouldn’t negatively affect them.
Another situation happened when I was working alone. Leo came into the office and up to my desk to say he was going on lunch. I said okay and went back to my work. Then he came back and said he was back from lunch. I again said okay and kept working. I guess my coworker saw from their office our interaction and they told me we were now recording officers’ lunches. Nobody had told me that. Leo then made a comment about how that’s why I “looked at him crazy,” which I don’t think I did look at him at all. I didn’t respond and kept working. Normally officers do announce lunches, but usually through radio or in passing briefly, so this was a bit different.
Now the most recent thing, which made me decide to finally post this:
I was at work with another coworker. Leo came in and started talking about coffee with him, since that coworker is a coffee enthusiast. I was just working and not engaging. Then Leo asked if I liked coffee, even though he knows I don’t, since he overheard a previous conversation where I said that and tried to join in with follow-up questions before as well as making multple remarks about it since then. I said I don’t like coffee. He then said something about how I don’t like chocolate, and my coworker asked if that was true. I responded that I don’t like chocolate ice cream (from another time where he had brought it up), and went back to my work. Leo then again brought up how I “looked at him crazy” yesterday. Then he was standing between my coworker’s desk and mine. I put in one headphone so I didnt have to join in to anything else said. He asked my coworker if he used Instagram, and when he said not really, Leo said “ew lame” jokingly, then turned to me and asked if I use Instagram. I didn’t want to answer because I didn’t want to acknowledge the earlier follow request (few months ago at this point), so I said I was trying to do my work. From what I could tell, he looked taken aback. I got up to “grab something,” and when I came back about 10 seconds later, he was gone.
I know none of this is explicitly inappropriate on its own, which is why I’m unsure if I’m overthinking it. But the pattern of him continuing to try to engage with me despite me consistently not reciprocating feels off to me. did check the Instagram accounts of a couple coworkers I follow (two women and one man), two of which has worked there for years, and he does not follow them or at least not from that account.This has all happened over about a year and a half. I know this is all based on my perception and memory, so I could be biased. I’ve had a past experience where someone was paying more attention to me than I realized at the time, so I know that might be affecting how I interpret things. Am I reading too much into this, or is this actually unusual behavior?
TL;DR
I’m an early 20s student worker in a university parking office. A 30+ male coworker has repeatedly tried to engage with me over time despite me consistently keeping interactions brief, professional, and non-reciprocal. This includes lingering conversations, unnecessary personal questions, a very early morning Instagram follow request that I didn’t accept, and continuing to initiate interaction at work even after I’ve clearly disengaged. Nothing is explicitly inappropriate on its own, but the pattern makes me uncomfortable and I’m unsure if I’m overreacting or if this is actually unusual behavior.