I think I lost myslef and my group, it's slowly killing my will to DMing
EDIT: Thanks to all of you. The responses were kind and very real, and they helped me realize a few things.
I’m going to do a new Session 0 and talk about my expectations too, which is something I didn’t do the first time. I was very focused on the player experience, forgetting that as the DM, I’m still a player at the table too.
It would also be good if the players spent a little time learning the basic rules (the d20 system, their character sheets, etc.).
I also set a tone for the campaign that my players were not really into, but I kept going with it anyway. During this new Session 0, I’ll explain that the current campaign will end soon so we can move on to other stories: shorter, simpler, and more fun.
It might even give me the chance to finally be a player myself (I’ve never been one) if one of them wants to try DMing!
Long story short, thank you people of Reddit, you guys and girls are always kind while saying some very useful things, I really love you all for the good vibes you bring to others.
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Hey! First, English is not my first language, so you might see some mistakes, sorry! I'll do my best. And it's a pretty long post, sorry about that too!
I have a regular group, and we (try to) play one session every two weeks. I really love writing my own stories and seeing them come alive, taking directions I didn’t expect thanks to my players, etc...
But I feel like I put too much work into it for what it’s worth to the group. I don’t know about you, but one session takes around 5–6 hours to prep alone, and I often go up to 10 hours to look back at previous events and adapt what was coming so the players’ choices make sense and the world feels alive and responsive to them. It’s a story and a world we are building together.
When I’m doing the prep, I’m sooo hyped about what’s coming. And then the day arrives and… session canceled at the last moment. It happens, but I feel like it happens too much, and always at the very last minute.
And when it’s not canceled, a session lasts like 2 hours, maybe 2h30 max. I feel like the players are not paying attention. I made a surprise meeting with the BBEG (whose name was introduced in session 2 or 3 and came back frequently), and only one player took notes and remembered him.
Recently, after a long combat (1h30, so more than half the session), I revealed a plot twist, but the fight had tired them out and no one really cared.
About the characters, nobody really knows how they work. I always have to remind them which dice to roll during combat, which bonuses apply, etc. They have feats they never use. One of the PCs told me his only goal is trying to go down the ONE path I didn’t plan for. And to be honest, it can be fun and challenging, and it has sometimes created great moments around the table. But it feels like it’s the only thing he cares about. He’s a mage/summoner and has absolutely no record of his spells. He rarely casts any.
Those are just some examples, but there’s more. In general, I just feel like I put too much energy into something I’m passionate about, and the response is not what I hoped it would be. And it’s hard, because I love these people, I love spending time with them, I love DnD and the story we are creating, and when I talk to them they genuinely seem to enjoy it and want to come back for the next session.
I don’t want to “blame” them. They’re just here to enjoy a game. But when I spend 1 hour a day for a week prepping a session I’m proud of, and then it’s canceled at the last minute or turns into 2 hours of players talking about completely unrelated things in the middle of RP, it makes me disappointed.
I’m not feeling good about that. I love it and want to continue, but these last few sessions I’ve just been coming home with a feeling of failure, like I didn’t create something good enough to keep them immersed. And I think that’s really it: I don’t blame the players, I blame myself for not keeping them interested in the game, the story, the characters...
So now I’m just trying to throw away every plot point I told them, end the campaign as fast as possible, and create shorter stories for future DnD games with them. I feel kind of lost about all of this. It’s really a passion for me, but I feel like I’m passionate about guitar, practicing for hours, and still sounding like a dying drunk dwarf.
Another group told me they wanted to play, and even though I told them 5 players was already hard for me, they added a 6th one without consulting me. They chose a campaign (Curse of Strahd!!), and then… no news about the characters.
I’m not sending messages because, with everything I wrote here, I don’t think I have the energy to do all the “work” for them. I think a DM should help the players create their characters, but I also need something to work with.
I would love to hear your opinion on this, because I honestly don’t know what to do or how to handle it. Maybe I’m completely delusional, and hearing that with some explanations would help me realize it. My goal here is to listen to more exeperienced DM who maybe had similar experiences.
I hope my English won’t create any misunderstandings. I don’t want to be rude to anyone in any way.