just finished my first week living alone and i don't know how to explain what this feeling is
moved in seven days ago. first time in my life i've had a space that is entirely mine. no family, no roommates, nobody else's schedule to work around.
i expected to feel free. i do, kind of. but i also didn't expect the quiet to feel this loud. the first night i left the bathroom light on just to have something glowing somewhere. cooked dinner and ate it standing at the counter because sitting at the table alone felt too formal for one person. called my mom twice for no real reason.
it's not loneliness exactly. it's more like my whole nervous system is recalibrating to a life where i'm the only constant in the room. every small decision, what to eat, when to sleep, how loud the music goes, is suddenly just mine. that's exciting and disorienting at the same time in a way i genuinely wasn't prepared for.
i keep catching myself being really quiet, like i'm a guest in my own place and i haven't quite given myself permission to fully take up space yet.
does that go away? for those of you further along in this, when did it start feeling like home?