Being assessed for NPD and i'm not coping too well
Hey, mainly looking to vent as well as get some support and maybe any advice on how to deal with this.
So i recently saw a psychologist for the first time in a while and initially I was excited to finally at least get my foot in the door even if it was only a few sessions for diagnostic purposes for the time being.
I'd already suspected i might be narcissist so when we went over the results from the personality screening i wasn't surprised i scored high on NPD traits. Part of me is actually really glad to be talking about it because these things obviously are not easy for me to bring up, but an unexpectedly big part of me also feels like absolute shit.
I didn't think it'd be so hard, i thought I'd already accepted the possibility of it, but i guess realising it and actually confronting it are two different things.
The part that messes me up most is that in our last session she ended by saying my traits don't seem maladaptive enough to warrant a diagnosis and that i seem to feel fine about myself. That's probably the point where i should've admitted that half the time i feel like the most inadequate piece of human garbage that ever lived or that i can't ever follow through on absolutely anything let alone get my life together but i just couldn't.
So i went home and i was pissed at her because she didn't seem to take me as seriously as i'd hoped and didn't see through my bullshit and pissed at myself for bullshitting her in the first place instead of having the balls to tell her how bad it really is. Now I mainly just feel empty and worthless. Not healthy enough to function but not sick enough to be given the help i need. Too nice and reflected on the surface to be taken seriously by anyone.
How do you guys deal with this? Does it get better when it comes to therapy is it just bound to be annoying and upsetting forever? Also, any coping mechanisms that don't involve substance abuse, reckless behaviour or lashing out at people would be highly appreciated because man I need some healthier outlets