I feel isolated all the time.
Hello, i don’t post on reddit much i usually just read posts instead but i’ve been dealing with the possibility of having osdd off and on for 3ish years? Probably more i don’t really remember. I’m trying to get in contact with a medical professional about it but i haven’t mentioned it to any friends due to embarrassment/judgement and i don’t think i ever will. I feel extremely alone and stressed about it.
I’ve thought about joining online communities but i have such a deep paranoia of being posted online and my friends seeing it and asking me about it because they recognize my art or the way i type. I can’t even make an alt account to even try because im just so scared.
I also have the fear i’m just making it up or i developed a delusion of sorts im not sure, it’s all so overwhelming. It’s also just embarrassing, i feel silly all the time and goofy when i try to log or journal that i end up deleting everything out of shame or after a mental episode. I know a therapist would help even if i didn’t have the disorder but i’m still searching for a decent one, and i just needed someplace to dump my thoughts. I stress about this a lot. I don’t have clear communication with parts either i don’t really hear them my mind is very busy but it’s all muffled or like unintelligible murmuring? That also is a reason why i feel i’m just being delusional, i feel crazy and dumb. I just wish someone i knew personally understood.