I [17 ftm, Closeted] have been Depressed for half a decade but I manage to stay optimistic (I think I have some sort of Undiagnosed Personality disorder.) but the positive side of me has been dying. I can no longer get out of bed most days or talk to people without feeling terribly anxious. I've lost Hope in life.
What happened was that I made a few Bad decisions related to my studies and my parents make me feel like I'm the terrible person for not being able to make good decisions when i was just a teen. (My parents contributed to this Bad decision in some ways but they always just blame everything on me)
I don't know how to feel about my parents, it feels like they care but also not? It's all really confusing and I feel like a terrible person.
I don't know what to do, A plan I've been thinking about is Moving to my aunts house so I can be closer to my friends and always from my parents and do finish highschool through online schooling.
My Mom won't agree to anything i have planned (like she could be calm and then she snaps if I mention it) she's threatening me (threatening to not let me continue studying, threatening Violence and hurting me), She wants me to finish Studying at my regular Highschool (The teachers at that place make me really uncomfortable and the Uniform makes me feel extremely dysphoric)
it feels like Nobody is listening to what I want and siding with my Mom...
Maybe I am just a indecisive Unhinged Teenager who's incapable of doing anything by himself.