Hi everyone, I’m feeling like I’m losing emotional steam and would really value some perspective from people who’ve navigated something similar.
My partner ended an 8-year relationship last summer. After the breakup, they stayed very connected and even went to couples counselling together for months with the goal of transitioning into a non-romantic relationship.
A few weeks ago, their ex decided it wasn’t working and asked for space, so now they’ve stopped communicating (at least for the next several months).
Throughout all of this, my partner has been going through a pretty intense period of grief and depression. They’re trying to take care of themselves (therapy, friends, etc.), but they’re often low, inward, and don’t have much emotional or physical capacity.
I really care about them and want to be supportive, and I understand that ending an 8-year relationship is a big loss, even if it wasn’t healthy.
At the same time, I’m starting to feel:
- lonely and disconnected in our relationship
- starved for affection and intimacy
- a bit invisible or less important in their emotional world
I’ve communicated some of this, and they’re responsive and caring, but it doesn’t change the fact that they just don’t have much to give right now.
I’m trying to do the “healthy” things, lean on my own support system, stay grounded, not make their grief about me, but it’s still hard not to feel the impact.
I guess my question is:
How do you support a partner through grief like this without overextending yourself or losing your own sense of connection and stability?
Would really appreciate hearing how others have navigated this kind of dynamic. I should also mention that I don’t currently have other partners. I decided I was saturated at 1 because I have a little kid, high conflict ex and am in the first year of stating my own business. I feel solid in this choice still now and plan to reexamine in the future.