My partner (23M) is upset about my sexual past (19F)
Me and my partner have been together near 8 months now we were friends before the relationship for a couple of years and I was very open about my past before the relationship started, the second month into our relationship he started becoming very upset with my past and expressed how much he thinks "its disgusting" (we have the same number past) he has tried to split up with me repeatedly too many times to count, his argument is I'm a female so its different, before him I didn't like relationship's so most of my past was with people I wasn't with but was seeing (all of my relationships only lasted a couple months years ago but was in a relationship (1 year) 2 months before i got with my current boyfriend), his other argument was his past was with people that he was in a relationship with at the time it happened (his last relationship (4-5 years) which he makes a very big point of even though when we first had intercourse it was a month before we were officially together
its been ongoing for a couple of months now some days or weeks being good then some others being really bad constant arguing and feeling belittled and ashamed about my past, i understand my past is my past and that doesn't define who i am nor can i rewind time and change that but i also do feel bad and empathy for the way he is feeling as he says he doesn't like getting pissed off at me for it but he cant help it
i do understand as to why he feels a certain way about one in particular as it is one of his friends (we didn't have intercourse i was very drunk was told i was being taken home to end up being carried into his house and persuaded to do something else) but he wasn't unaware of it before we got together (im pretty sure the "friend" insisted it was consensual) and it was a few years ago now and that time in my life i wasn't in the right mental state which he knows and knows i was very drunk and didn't speak to him after that only in a friend way as he was in the friend circle, he constantly gets very angry and upset with me about this one
i want to spend the rest of my life with him and when its good its really good and i can tell he cares a lot for me and loves me very much but this situation is really eating and consuming the relationship, we have more bad days then good days at the moment, i have told him the answers to all his questions but it seems to bite me in the arse and used against me whenever i be truthful about my past, i ask him about his past and he is brutally honest in a way where it could of been worded differently and with way too much unnecessary details i don't need my brain to imagine, i have caught him out in a few little unnecessary lies here and there about his past and his excuse was i didn't want you to get upset about it but i know if it was the other way around the relationship would be over
he's told me one day he doesn't trust me and 5 minutes later he tells me he does trust me which is making me very very confused at the moment, he's telling me I'm making him a very angry person, I've tried changing and moulding myself into the person he wants which is not easy and constantly get criticised about my tone, the faces i pull, the way i speak, my mood, communication and my affection basically me as a person.
he tells me he does the things he does because he cares about me and loves me but i just don't feel like that's the case anymore i really want to spend the rest of my life with him he's the love of my life i want to fix this and understand if i can help him don't get me wrong I'm far from perfect I'm not putting all of this blame on him i am an angry person and easily irritated (i have autism and bpd if that puts it into perspective on me?) all im really asking for is an outsiders perspective obviously this is just a small part but the biggest problem in the relationship, we was doing so well with it for a good while until the friend texted him as he was showing me a video and that sparked it back up is this able to be fixed?