u/GeneralAge7592

How would you talk to your child about this? Or just leave it alone?

I have a 4.5 year old daughter, I have co-parented (or rather parallel parented) her entire life. I have her 80% of the time.

Her dad has been with a girl from across the country. When they dated he gave up parenting time quite frequently to visit her. She moved here about a year ago when they got engaged.

She’s been talking for a while now about the wedding. She’s told me and has a flower girl dress and will be a flower girl with the fiancées two nieces. She’s also told me when she goes she staying extra time so they can go to Disney Land. So this is obviously something that has been brought up to her on more than one occasion.

I knew the wedding was this upcoming weekend, but nothing had been mentioned to me about my daughter going. Today (Tuesday) is the day her dad picks her up, and I pick her back up Wednesday morning. We usually don’t speak at exchanges, but today he got out of the car to talk to me. I figured it was to tell me he planned to take her cross country for the wedding, but instead he told me he’d bring her back after dinner because he was going out of town early in the morning.

When my daughter got home she said “I’ll see my dad next week, he’s going to California but not to get married.” I just said okay and started bedtime. When I was lying with her, I said how do you feel about your dad going to California? She said fine, he’s definitely not getting married without me because I’m a flower girl. I just said okay, it must just be just a trip then! And tucked her in for bed.

I’m heartbroken for her, I was very very nervous about this potential upcoming trip. He’s never had her more than 1 night in a row and I knew he wouldn’t have anyone there to help him. But at the same time I cannot imagine telling her enough about the trip that she fully believes she’s going, going to be a flower girl, and going to Disney Land. I also know this is a huge wedding as I have a mutual friend attending and she’s complained a little about the price required to attend, and her child is going with her so it’s not child free or a small elopement.

Any advice on how to handle this? Or is it not really my business and just redirect if she brings it up?

I’ve coparented my 4.5 year old her entire life. I have her 80% of the time, and she’s never spent more than 1 night in a row with her dad. Our PP gives him one 7 day period in June and one in July for vacation, he’s supposed to inform me of those days by May 1, but he’s never used the vacation time.

He is getting married on the other side of the country. He has yet to mention it to me, but I saw a post on social media with the date.

Inevitably he will bring this up last minute, I almost think because he wants me to say “no” so he doesn’t have to deal with her. And also so he can be the victim.

I know (should he actually mention it) I have to let her go to her dad’s wedding, but I’m extremely worried. Who is going to get her there and care for her? He doesn’t really have family. My daughter doesn’t know his fiancées side of the family because they live thousands of miles away.

Please give me advice on what to say when (if?) he brings this up, advice on what I should and can get information on, and how to handle being away from her for the first time.

I’ve been co-parenting my 4.5-year-old her entire life, and I have her about 80% of the time. I’m married and also have a 1.5-year-old, while her dad is engaged.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with how unrealistic and performative my co-parent and his fiancée can be. For example, my daughter recently started soccer. Her dad didn’t contribute financially toward registration or gear, and although he was told about the first practice, he didn’t attend. Meanwhile, my husband bought her equipment, practices with her in the yard, and has even been going out on the field during practices to help support her like a fill-in coach.

At her first game, my daughter naturally asked for her stepdad to go on the field with her because that’s what she’s used to during practice and at home. My co-parent’s fiancée then told my daughter that her “real dad” should be the one going on the field with her.

Another example is with my mother-in-law. She has always treated my daughter like her own grandchild. When I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter chose to start calling her “Nana,” and now my youngest calls her that too. My MIL is heavily involved in my children’s lives and keeps them regularly. However, when my co-parent’s fiancée found out my MIL was called “Nana,” she told my daughter she already had a Nana — referring to her own mother, who lives across the country and has only met my daughter once or twice. At the same time, she frequently posts on social media portraying her mom as this deeply involved grandmother figure.

My coparent once told me he shouldn’t have to pay child support because I don’t work. After having my second child, my husband took on a very demanding job so I could stay home with our family. Somehow, my coparent believes my husband should be fully financially responsible for our daughter, while also insisting he’s an equal parent. At the same time, he regularly takes advantage of the fact that I’m home by giving me last-minute notice that he’s not picking up our daughter because he’s out of town or has something else going on.

I’ve spent years trying to ignore these things because I didn’t feel it was my place to comment on how they parent. But it’s becoming harder to overlook now that it’s starting to affect our family and, more importantly, confuse and emotionally impact my daughter.

My husband and I are the consistent “home base” parents. We’re the ones handling the day-to-day responsibilities, routines, activities, and emotional support. Her dad and his fiancée often seem to step in when it’s convenient for them or when it benefits appearances, while also frequently giving up parenting time for vacations or other plans.

I’m struggling with how to navigate this in a healthy way without creating conflict, while also protecting my daughter’s emotional well-being and the stability we’ve worked hard to give her.

I’ve always co-parented my 4.5 year old from the beginning. Her dad has her about 20% of the time, the judge originally gave him more time plus a step up plan but he wanted what he has now.

I met my now husband when my daughter was a little over a year old. He has always been an amazing figure in her life. We now have a 1.5 year old together. Because of the time split, my daughter is with my husband much more than her father.

Her father always very sporadically pays child support. So because I am now a SAHM, my husband covers the vast majority of my daughter’s financial needs.

About 3 weeks ago my daughter started tee ball. My daughter told her dad about it, and he called and asked when the first practice was and asked if she needed any equipment. I told him about practice info and told him what I still needed to buy, he suggested a store for me to go to. He didn’t end up coming to practice. My husband paid for registration and bought all her gear.

At practice, my husband ended up going out to help because a few of the other dads did and it was sort of chaotic since a bunch of 4 year old girls didn’t have a clue the rules of baseball. Since then he’s worked with her a lot in the yard. The first game was coming up and my daughter was very nervous, and said she wanted my husband to be with her on the field.

Game day comes around and her dad calls and asks for game details. I tell him. When we get there my daughter is nervous and crying and asks for my husband to go with her on the field. The coach okayed it and my husband literally ran all the bases with her.

However, the next night was her dad’s night. When she came home she said her dad’s fiancée told her from now her dad needs to be the one to go on the field with her. This really upset both my husband and I. I do understand that he is her dad, but it’s his own choosing to not be a consistent part of her life. My daughter is the one that asked for my husband, even when her dad was there, because she feels safe with him and he’s been the one to work with her getting ready for the games. I think it would have been entirely more appropriate for my coparent to speak with me or my husband and just say he’d like to go out on the field next time. Instead I believe that they speak very negatively about us to my daughter. There have been other instances like my daughter calling my MIL Gigi (which is also what my other daughter is who biologically my MILs grandchild calls her) and my coparents fiancee told her not to call my MIL Gigi because her moms name is Gigi (her mom lives across the country and has seen my daughter maybe 2 times, whereas my MIL sees my children several times a week)

I don’t want to “replace” her father with my husband, but I feel like the only reason he feels replaceable is because of the role he’s taken in our child’s life. I also do NOT want anything negative said about our family dynamic while she is at our dads. Am I wrong? How do I handle this?