Before i write Concluding part. I need advices for Introduction and Body paragraph to improve my score and shortening my study time.
Topic
: How young is too young to use social media?
Here my writing
In contemporary society, the adequate time to use social media of adolescents and immaturities is still controversial and become trouble for adults . It doesn't have the best criterion to set the standard whether children under thirteen years old will be in danger because their judgment isn't still developed yet. Ultimately, while internet platform can be a valuable tool for connecting and learning for mature juvenile who are above 13 years old, it poses substantial risks to the psychological development and personality of younger children who are under that age.
Allowing children under the age of thirteen to access social platform carries significant risks to their development and mental well-being. At this vulnerable stage, exposure many different type of videos, news, pictures and, forbidden website can negatively impact their unique, potentially generate "trash behavior" characterized by aggression, stubbornness, or a careless indifferent toward to others. Without the proper emotional maturity, these young users may struggle to navigate the complex social pressures.
In contrast, waiting until age is above thirteen often ensures a higher level of maturity and responsibility necessary for safe social media use. this party are better equipped to use their judgment when consuming new information and can star raise awareness important issue rather than just being passive consumers. when used technology correct, it become a tool for maintain essential contact with family during urgent situation or accidents. as well as coordinating with friends, such as doing homework or playing video games. By delaying access, parents can ensure that social media servers as a functional extension of their young social life rather than a source of phycological distress.
My gramma still weak and some vocabulary i think i do not use it proper enough. So i still lack of writing experience.