My wife says it is just friendship, but he has become her main emotional support
My wife developed an extremely intense friendship with another man over the last few months. They message daily, often call for long periods, exchange good morning/good night messages, and she describes him as someone who calms her down, makes her feel safe, helps her sleep better, and “heals” her emotionally.
She has also visited him privately and slept at his place few times. There are references to hugging, missing him, looking forward to seeing him again, and wanting more ordinary-life closeness with him. Other people around them have made comments that the friendship looks questionable.
To be fair to my wife, she has been relatively transparent about this friendship and she is currently behaving very lovingly and responsibly toward me. She is not acting cold, cruel, or checked out of the marriage. In many ways, she is trying to be her best self with me.
What hurts is the comparison. When it is about him, she often seems to find more energy, initiative, excitement, patience, and emotional effort than she does with me. I work long hours and come home tired, while he lives alone and seems to have almost unlimited time and emotional availability for her. I understand that this gives him an unfair advantage, but it still feels like I am competing with someone who can offer her attention without the weight of real married life.
I have not found proof of sex, kissing, or an explicit romantic relationship. They both repeatedly call it friendship. But from my point of view, he seems to have become a primary emotional attachment figure outside the marriage.
Would you consider this an emotional affair / serious marital boundary crossing? What boundaries would be reasonable to ask for if we want to repair the marriage?
Thanks for any help.