u/General_Review_3447

I have been stuck in a loop of thoughts telling me that I want to be with someone specific other than my partner for a long time now. these thoughts are based on real event feelings and behaviors such as fantasizing that I leaned into in the past over a long period of time. these feelings will resurface if I hear about this person that give me a jolt of panic and tell me that I need to tell my partner or confess when this resurfaces

I’ve come across a few posts where I see comments being downvoted for seemingly trying to understand certain things on the subject of rocd, reassurance seeking, etc. I find this incredibly rude and insensitive. please gently guide or provide insight to people if needed instead of downvoting. I feel that is much more effective. there are real people struggling here, be mindful of that.

I’ve heard some people say “if the thought of leaving brings you this much anxiety, or if you don’t want to leave, it’s likely OCD.” but what about staying for the “wrong reaons” like staying out of comfort, or fear, etc? What if my resistance to my “gut” telling me I’ve done something wrong and need to leave is what’s causing the anxiety?

in my relationship of 9 years I’ve had multiple rocd themes. starting with fearing they were going to leave or find someone better, to worrying I was gay and had to leave, to then worrying I had a crush on their friend and had to leave. this last one has lasted almost two years now, and my brain is convinced that because I did mentally fantasize about being perceived as girlfriend material/pretty by this person, wanting them to like me and find me attractive, feeling pangs of rejection and other feelings, that I must want to be with them and still do because this has haunted my thoughts and even my dreams. please help me