pregnancy loss;
I was 38weeks pregnant, mine and my husband’s first baby. We named her Aurora, i’ve had multiple miscarriages before this but nothing will ever compare. She was stillborn at 38weeks, they said she had a hemorrhage and how rare it was that this would ever happen. it is so hard to even type this. our family came out to support us and now everyone left, i haven’t reached out to the groups or anything that they offered and i don’t know if i can, everything happened a week ago. we were so ready to have our baby, to hear her cry. and it all was ripped away so fast. we’ve tried for over two years now and i feel like i can’t try again. i can barely sleep, or do anything without crying. sometimes i catch myself laughing or not thinking about it for even a second and i feel so guilty. i could barely leave the hospital because i wasn’t leaving with her, ill never get to hold her again, i never got to hear her cry. i just don’t understand how life is supposed to go on, how everyone still just keeps moving. i can’t even leave my house, i can’t see moms with babies or even little girls in general without crying. i don’t know what to do, how to talk to anyone/family. every day i just think about how she’s supposed to be here. how everything was supposed to be different. i still can’t wrap my head around the fact that im not pregnant anymore because i don’t have my baby. that’s all i can ever think about is how i don’t have my baby. i just don’t know what to do anymore, how people deal with this i just can’t understand. i’ve never felt pain like this or felt so alone. i can’t grasp the fact that ill never see my daughter again, ill never get to hear her cry or call me mom. i’m just at such a loss. My due date was this mother’s day, i just don’t know what to do or how to talk to anyone.