u/General_Slide4022

I'm using a throwaway account because this is embarrassing for me. I (25F) am attracted to men that are acting abusive. I was raped when I was 9 years old, so I'm sure this is part of a trauma thing.

I have never been in a relationship, the most I've done is go on two dates with one guy and one date with another guy. Both men seemed nice, and didn't have any bad qualities that would've made me attracted to them. When I develop a crush on a guy, I imagine him acting abusive toward me.

Of course, I don't want to be in an abusive relationship, but I also know that these thoughts aren't normal or healthy. Has anyone else gone through something similar?