u/Gentledenv1000

Hi,

I'm a disabled man. I suffer from neulogical issues and chronic, usually debilitating or paralyzing pain. I need a walker a lot. And I'll probably get worse. She married me knowing that and we lived together for years before we got married.

I do my best to help. I really do. I have a list of one spoon things that make her life easier. (Light inscense, let the dogs out, fed the dogs, tidy surfaces before leaving them, order groceries for delivery, cook when can, and make the phone calls for repairs or making appontments. I found her a new doctor recently so she could get more timely help for her own stuff. That kind of thing.) but often I find her snapping at me for leaving her with a mental load. I can't help what I don't know or understand but if I ask she says I'm just making more work for her. Im not talking asking her to make a list or anything for thanskgiving or something where the goal is obvious. Just asking what she needs to be ok, as much as she can be. But apparently it should always be obvious and I..can't tell if it is? Like if I'm just dumb or it's my brain missing something to process.

If there's any caregivers hee, what do you wish your cared person would do to help you?

I tell hee I appreciate her, that I love her, apologize when I made things worse for her while explaining why I did things so she can no I dont do thing arbitrarily, and I do my best not to take her from granted.

I'm scared she regrets marrying me. I wouldn't begrudge her of that if it's occasional when things are hard but...I don't want to lose her. She's the best thing ever. Shes the super I never got from my family or friends. And she the first and will probably last love of my life.

Please spell somethings out. I'm disabled and my brain doesn't always make connections others see as obvious.

(Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. That's part of the neuro issues. I literally cannot see them and am relying on an spellcheck)

Hi,

I'm a disabled man. I suffer from neulogical issues and chronic, usually debilitating pain. I need a walker a lot. And I'll probably get worse. She married me knowing that and we lived together for years before e got married.

I do my best to help. I really do. I have a list of one spoon things that make her life easier. (Light inscense, let the dogs out, fed the dogs, tidy surfaces before leaving them, order groceries for delivery, cook when can, and make the phone calls for repairs or making appontments. I found her a new doctor recently so she could get more timely help for her own stuff. That kind of thing.) but often I find her snapping at me for leaving her with a mental load. I can't help what I don't know or understand but if I ask she says I'm just making more work for her. Im not talking asking her to make a list or anything for thanskgiving or something where the goal is obvious. Just asking what she needs to be ok, as much as she can be.

As caregivers, What do you wish your cared person would do to help you?

(Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors. That's part of the neuro issues. I literally cannot see them and am relying on an spellcheck)

Edit : a couple of you mentioned getting help from others. fortunately, I don't mind this. Unfortunately we are isolated in the fact everyone in our life either lives far away or is real busy with kids. And social service access here is really hard to get if you have occasional good days where you can get yourself to the bathtub at least twice a week. Any suggestions? Is having regular cleaners come by twice a month expensive?