u/Ghorille

I'm fed up with the local band scene.

There's absolutely no demand, still it's somehow always about money. And it's overesaturated by bands who mostly have music as an identity and no actual interest in evolving. Also it sucks to compete for spots in bands with people below my level musically, who have more "vibe" or "cred".

Also the constant hassle of trying to get people together for rehearsals is tiring.

So I decided to switch from drums/keyboards to saxophone. I practiced daily for a year and half, then I joined a church orchestra and a folk music group.

Now I get to play jazz, classical, praise songs and beautiful folk songs at least two times a week, with people who actually care. And there's structure and leadership.

And these groups have gigs ! I might not make any money but who cares ? Why is that worse than playing for 30 people for less than the cost of a meal ? With these groups I get to play festivals, full house church gigs and other interesting events and constantly evolve.

My situation is I get by fine working 1-3 days week at most. A day of work might be answering a few emails. I'm feeling better than ever, but I'm noticing it's getting quite lonely, I'm having trouble finding people to share my interests with.

Is it really that strange though ? Most people work all day and if they have the energy to do something in their spare time, it's probably going to be something like the gym or some other activity where there's no accountability.

I'm getting closer to being done with suggesting activities or meetups since everyone cancels last minute because they're exhausted.

I also don't regret trying harder when I was younger, since I perceive those friendships as performative, most seem to fade away when people start working, move away or have kids.

Sure, people might feel they want friends but if you're exhausted all the time with no change in sight, your need for rest is probably more important anyway.

Is there a healthier way of getting your social needs met and a more realistic view on relations, so you don't need to feel like a failure ?