Has anyone else’s fertility journey just made them feel like a hater?
I’ve been trying for 2 years naturally. It hasn’t happened yet. It’s depressing but it is what it is, I’m working on it. But does anyone else just have this seething, burning jealousy when someone else gets pregnant?
Two of my little cousins got pregnant at the same time last year and gave birth within a week. While I was so happy for them I was ultimately sad for me. But I know that’s not fair, so I keep it to myself and just smile for them and support them and am nothing but positive.
It’s like people close to me can sense the sadness in me though. They always come to me privately and ask me if I’m okay and apologize to me. Which is sweet because I know they care about me but I just want to scream “yes I am okay! People get pregnant! They didn’t do anything TO me by getting pregnant and I am happy for them!” But also yes I am sad lol I try not to get hung up on the “it’s not fair” thinking but it’s hard.
Mother’s Day we went to visit my husband’s grandma and she gave us two crisp bicentennial $2 bills. She said “It’s a keepsake for your kids if you ever have them wink wink”. (My husband is a total grandmas boy and she is probably literally the only person he wouldn’t have told to stfu for saying that but he did acknowledge it to me and apologized later) I started my period that night.
This week his little sister who just got out of prison 8 months ago announced she is pregnant to us. Another round of undeserved check ups and apologies to me from my loved ones and then I started my period that night again. Early!
I just feel so discouraged. I also have PMDD and my pms and period itself take me out for about half the month. I just want my life back. I want to be normal and have my baby and get back on my birth control for my PMDD. I want to be like all the other women around be happy with their little families. I DON’T want to be a bitter jealous person whenever an announcement is made. I want to just be happy for others and I am but it’s hard.
Sorry for the long vent but has anyone else felt like this?