u/GiantPopa

I've been discarded, blocked and erased by my ex GF almost 6 months ago on her birthday.
Since then i went through all stages of grief several times and recently i thought i had finally moved on and made progress. After isolating myself for almost 5 months, I Had made good changes in my life and I was finally doing exercise, reading books, having fun with new hobbies.

Now all of a sudden I've relapsed and i feel exhausted each day. The unanswered questions and self doubts keep coming back to haunt my thoughts every waking moment and I feel like I lost all of my drive. I feel like I'm wasting my time each day and wasting my life. Working a job i didn't want but took for both of us out of necessity. Living alone in an apartment i no longer enjoy because everything here reminds me of us. Doing old hobbies that don't make me happy anymore. I don't know who i am anymore. She was not only the love of my life, we were each others best friends and i finally felt seen and understood by someone for the first time in my life.

I have no close friends living nearby, don't have a good relationship with my family. I feel like i lost my identity. And no longer know what to do. Is this another wave that will pass?

It's been almost 6 months since I've been discarded and blocked everywhere after a 2 year relationship. We were also best friends for 3 years before that. I want to send an email to her to have my own closure, and hold a mirror to her awful actions, but i don't know if I should. She broke up with me 3 times by text and almost 4 times.

She discarded me in a horrible way and never spoke a word to me as she picked up all her belongings and waited until she was in the car to threaten the cops on me if i ever contacted her again. I never cheated, never raised my hand on her, never insulted her. I don't understand what happened and neither does my therapist.

Almost every day I've thought of her and how could she have turned so stone cold overnight when she was telling me I love you and kissing me before i went to work. I genuinely don't understand what happened to her. She left me a random night i went to work and fled to a nearby hospital claiming she had an anxiety attack and wanted to be there alone. I kept her company by text, offered to bring her lunch called off from work to be there for her, tried to brighten her mood by telling her i managed to get a day off to go to her birthday tomorrow, her response "Hearing that stresses me out even more" "Ask my parents if you can come, i don't want to be responsible for changing their plans again". Her birthday was the next day and instead of coming back home from the hospital ( a 3 minute walk where we lived...) She instead had her parents drive 3 whole hours to pick her up and drive her at their home and left me behind once again for an event i wanted to attend with her.

She had left me out of a few events she knew I REALLY wanted to attend 2 times already and decided to get me souvenirs instead while providing excuses both times as to why i couldn't go. Excuses such as "Oh sorry we couldn't bring you, the car was full" to which i'd reply "We could have used your car..." to which she'd have no answer and admit leaving me out wasn't okay, that she wouldn't do it again, and then doing it again..

After I made so much effort to fix our relationship, so many sacrifices, showed so much patience and forgiveness to go through 3 breakups, being left behind, verbally abused, neglected and now this.. I was so heartbroken after 10 hours of me staying by her side on my phone and reading her casually say "My parents came to pick me up".

I broke down and texted her "i feel like a moron, I feel like I don't matter, I'm not included, my love and nothing i say or do for us matters. I feel so neglected that I want to disappear". She came back the day after her birthday. When she came in, she came in with her step brother who never visited my apartment before, as she bolted to her room, refusing to answer anything as i asked her " Are you alright?" "What's wrong?" "Can i help you" over and over. She just picked up all of her things in a few trips and left as her step brother stood there. I even gave her, her stupid vinegar bottle i thought she said was a gift to her when I saw she was frantically looking around the kitchen for something she couldnt find and wouldn't talk to me. She discarded me, blocked me everywhere, blocked my family everywhere, had her whole family block me and my family everywhere. Most of these people never even met...

I did so much for her... I paid the whole rent, cooked for us, cleaned the apartment, worked two jobs to support us, paid the bills, supported her in her university studies, genuinely cared to know all about her and made her my priority every day and so much more. I even invited my own mother at my apartment on my own birthday, 6 weeks after she broke up the second time so she could feel safe not being alone with me for a reconciliation...

I wasn't perfect, and no one in life is but god damn. I tried my best to listen to her and change for her when she was upset at certain things. Despite this she broke up by text 3 times and almost broke up 4 times by running away with her car and leaving me stranded at a store while i was going through a job interview and got the job...

I don't know what to do anymore. Despite everything I'll always love her, i hate the thought of seeing her with someone else and just want closure so i can stop thinking about her.

AR4D8 for a discount