u/Giga_Chad101

I keep on questioning myself if worth it ba ako, everytime na mago-open up ako sa isang tao it always ends the same, na para bang pinaglalaruan ako ng tadhana. When will love find me, a love that will stay, nakakapagod maging pang character development at pansamantala lang, they always do better without me. Just why, ako ba yung problema? am I not enough? am I too much? andami kong tanong sa sarili ko na hindi ko naman makuha ang sagot, for once in my life, I want someone to risk for me too, but will that chance ever come?

How ironic it is when you saw her tiktok reposts na kung pano gusto niyang treatment at kung panong love ang gusto niya, and everytime na binibigay at ginagawa ko sakanya yun, hindi niya tinatanggap, kaibigan lang daw ang tingin niya sa'kin. TANGINAAAA, ANDAMING MOTIBO ANG IBINIGAY MO KAYA AKO NASASAKTAN NGAYON, nung sa spotify, sinesendan mo ako ng kanta and told me na ako ang naaalala mo sa kantang yon, that song was "Kalapastangan" and "Iris" that song is beautiful and it meant so much at ayun ang gusto kong i-dedicate sa'kin and you did, pero bakit hanggang kaibigan lang ang kaya mong i-offer sa dulo? I've loved you for 10 months and still counting, your absence still haunts me. Seeing you doing better without me is hurting me na para bang hindi mo naman ako pinahalagahan in the first place. mahal na mahal pa rin kita, L. Hate to say it pero what could have been kung hindi ka lang avoidant.

There's this girl, she's my everything and I love her so much, I don't wanna lose her but guess what, she's gone and doing better without my presence while me who is still here and yearning for her. We were not in a relationship but rather more than friends and less than lovers trope, yung tipong magkausap kayo buong araw consistently, nagu-update sa isa't isa kung ano ginagawa, nangangamusta, nag g-goodmorning at goodnight, and suddenly on a random friday it just suddenly went poof, nawala nalang siya. And the following day she sent me a message in my gmail and I was shaking when I read it kasi bakit ganon siya. She said alot pero eto yung tumatak at nag fuck up sa isip ko" I don't see you as someone na magiging bf ko, and the only thing i can genuinely offer you is friendship." Really? after all what you did? lahat ng motibong binigay mo? gumawa pa tayo playlist sa spotify diba? Why? just why? out of all the people na pwede mong saktan, sinaktan mo pa yung nagmamahal sa'yo nang sobra sobra at walang masamang intensyon sa'yo. I love you so much pero bakit ganito ang ginawa mo sakin, pero ang ironic noh, hindi ko pa rin magawang magalit sakanya kasi naiintidihan ko siya (she's an avoidant) and nakakafrustrate kasi deserve niya naman pero hindi ko magawa at umiiral pagmamahal at pagintindi ko sakanya. Out of all the things she said, wala siyang ginawa. I tried giving you the love you deserve, more than what you deserve actually, but now I get it why you will never get it in your life. I don't think I'll never be able to love someone again. Maybe it is true, loving me leads to loving me less, leads to leaving me easily, and leads to not choosing me. Lord, if I'm not meant for love, take away my desire to feel loved.