u/GigouBigou

TLDR: In love with a coworker. A month ago she told me she has feelings for me too but needs time (recent breakup, shared workplace, wants independence). We agreed to “let things evolve” and no one on one activities. The framework isn’t really holding, dynamic is intensifying. I’m now on a 2-week vacation realizing I’m completely in love with her, thinking about her constantly. Don’t know what to do.

I (M26) started a new job in the south of France about three months ago. New city, new role, big life transition. Among my new colleagues was Eloise (F24), who’d been in the team about 8 to 10 months. We hit it off quickly. She introduced me to climbing, we started hanging out in group settings, and over the weeks our conversations moved from work and climbing to deeply personal stuff. We were texting until 2 AM on weeknights, sharing intimate things, getting really close emotionally, but mostly in groups, rarely one on one.

One thing about her that matters here: she’s extremely direct and honest. She says things as she sees them, doesn’t avoid hard conversations, and values the same quality in others. It’s one of the things I admire most about her.

About two month in, the tension was getting hard to ignore. She texted me saying we needed to talk about what was happening between us. We went for a walk around a lake. She told me she’d developed feelings beyond friendship, but also gave several reasons she couldn’t act on them right now:

- She came out of a 2-year relationship about 5 months ago and she wants to enjoy her life independently for a while
- Our shared workplace could complicate things if it went badly and she’s worried about colleagues’ perceptions
- We share the same day to day friends and colleagues group, and we don’t have other people we spend time with we don’t know both (appart friends from our home towns).

I told her honestly that my feelings went beyond friendship too, but at the time I wasn’t sure if part of it was tied to my own transition (new city, new life, building new connections). We agreed to let things evolve naturally.

She also said she wouldn’t be comfortable doing one on one activities for now. Then, in the middle of a totally different topic during the same conversation, she suddenly said: “By the way I forgot, if anything ever happens between us, you should know I’ll never move to Paris (where I colle from).” That comment has stuck with me, it’s the kind of thing you only say if you’ve already imagined the possibility seriously.

Since that conversation from the end of April, nothing has changed structurally (no one on one activities), but the dynamic has if anything intensified. The texts continue, sometimes light, sometimes deep. When we see each other, there’s a small tension and timidity. The looks we share are longer. She’s slightly more tactile. I get the sense that the framework we set isn’t really holding.

I left a few days ago for a 2-week trip to Italy. The original plan was to get some distance and see if my feelings would hold up without daily contact. But here’s where I actually am: I’m struggling getting any distance at all. I check my phone constantly. I think about her all the time. Over these last few days I’ve realized I’m not just developing feelings, I’m completely in love with her.

I don’t really know what to do with this. I have almost two weeks of vacation ahead of me with all of this in my head, and the framework we agreed to that says “let things evolve naturally.” doesn’t seem to be really viable.

What would advise me to do in this situation? Tell her honestly my feelings when coming with the risk of pressing her, and saying me no, or waiting indefinitely but don’t know how long and how it could burn me on the inside?

Some additional context that might matter:

- We work in the same team and see each other every day of the week, our desks are two rooms apart in the corridor
- She told a mutual friend that her “no one on one activities” rule isn’t permanent, just that she needs more time
- I have very little dating experience

Thanks.