How to stand up for her
TL;DR - My girlfriend is getting the brunt of the gossip about us and i know theres more i should be doing about it, i just dont know what.
Okay, my girlfriend, 36F, and I, 38M, have been seeing eachother for 9 months. She had left her ex about a year before that. I split with mine 2 years before but had continued living together because im foolish and was convinced it was the right thing to do. I finally moved out after I met this girl and realized that I had been getting played. Now, my ex is telling people that I was stolen from her by this girl, and playing a huge victim as if we had never broken up. Note that she broke up with me in 2022, not the other way around. My girlfriend's ex is telling people that we must have been seeing eachother before and thats why they broke up, and that he has information that proves im not safe around his kids, but is withholding said information to use as some kind of leverage. This proof he claims doesnt exist, and I dont actually know what he's telling people. My girlfriend is getting painted as a bad mother, an adulterer who stole me from my family, and an awful person for "what she's done" to her ex. What kills me is that before all of this, this girl was lauded as the very best mother to her kids. And she really is an incredible mother. My ex was known as abusive and manipulative. This was all common knowledge within our peer groups.
Most of this is coming into play from her ex, however I know her ex and mine are talking to eachother trying to smear us. Unfortunately it's all landing in my girlfriends lap, and I feel like im on the sidelines just watching her reputation be torn apart. There isn't one single obvious instance to this, just an apparent change in behavior with the people she knows, and some interesting indirect comments. Her ex has also been interrogating his own son about her whereabouts, who she's with, if I stay there and where i sleep. And yelling at him for answers. Her son has also been acting weird around her, although he's very open with her about everything typically. Both her kids say they really like me, so we dont think this is about the proof he claims to have that im dangerous.
For a bit more detail, her ex has spoken with my son (9) and stepdaughter about me, trying to find any dirt. My stepdaughter (18), whom ive raised for 16 years, is full blown team mom and talking shit about my girlfriend too, because her mother includes her in every part of this.
I feel helpless in this. I know there is some way im lacking in stepping up for her, and I need to find some way other than just sitting in it with her to support her. She feels alone in this and there must be something im missing.
What can I do about this? What am I not doing that I should be?