u/GladBumblebee1546

I’ve just decided to try to conceive at 54 (I know - please be gentle, I’m very healthy and my partner is 45, but I see how people may be judgmental). I was in a controlling marriage for 20 years where I said no to children because I did not want to have kids with my ex. Divorced, met my (male) partner, and we both want this badly. The timing is actually good in some ways because I was just able to retire early and we are in a great place financially.

Because of my age it has to be donor eggs. And I feel like I entirely skipped the grief over that. Yes, it would have been awesome had I frozen eggs at an early point but that was not something I considered.

I’m seeing many people here saying that they would choose to stop trying before using donor eggs. I definitely understand due to the cost. And yes, if I could use my own dna I absolutely would. But I’m not sad, maybe because this was not something I ever imagined. I’d resigned myself to not being a mom. I’d thought about adopting but didn’t want to do that alone. And now I really want to parent with my partner.

I’m just curious about why this option is where some people draw the line. I get it, I don’t want to adopt (if I’d be allowed to) or be a foster parent or hire a surrogate. Or be a single mother by choice. So I definitely have my lines as far as where this effort will end if it’s not a success for us.

Thank you to anyone who wants to answer. I value your emotional labor to tell me your thoughts and experiences, and in no way feel like everyone should make my same choices!

Has anyone else gone through perimenopause into menopause with apparently zero symptoms? I’m not complaining, ha, just wondering if they are going to pop up later.

I’m 54, no periods for more than a decade due to my hormonal IUD and before that birth control pills with no placebos.

Two years ago I had tests because of fibroids and the doctor said I wasn’t even in perimenopause according to hormone tests and on the sonogram they could see that I was ovulating. I know those tests are not always accurate. But also, the sonogram!

Fast forward to now and I had more tests, the biggest fibroid has grown but my blood tests are consistent with menopause. I had the iud out two months ago - spotting, 7 years old so expiring - and it’s been two months and no bleeding at all.

I’ve been fortunate to have no hot flashes, no loss of libido, weight seems stable, no tiredness beyond the usual. I’m grateful since so many friends struggle.

I’m just wondering whether those still might come? Or did it just happen silently? Thanks for any input!

My cat loves her window seat so much that she prefers to sleep there, not with me. I took the seat down last night and she slept next to me all night, and now she’s curled up in my lap. But with the seat up she chooses that most of the time.

I could put it up when I go out or just during the day? The view makes her so happy. But the cuddles make us both happy. What would you do?

I’ve been living in a one bedroom top floor apartment for 6 months now, after 20+ years in a house I owned. I’m a 54 year old college instructor with a cat - I’m not loud or up late or having parties. My partner is over sometimes but we are asleep by a normal hour. I do (with the building’s permission and with them fully informed and taking a percentage) sometimes Airbnb the apartment while I travel.

I have been getting noise complaints regularly. I’m going to guess that it’s the person directly under me as they say they hear someone dragging furniture and dropping things at 2 am (among other complaints).

Before the complaints started, I did get an anonymous note that said “You are SO noisy”. This was about 9 am on a weekday and I had just been vacuuming. The person also pounded on my wall so I think it was my nextdoor neighbor? He also complained to the management and I explained to them that this was after quiet hours but that would try not to vacuum until later in the day (I work remotely).

My apartment management staff is very nice about conveying these complaints to me but the latest one is for two days/nights when I was backpacking in the mountains with my partner and my cat was the only one in the apartment. Then the complaint about moving furniture was a night I was home - but absolutely not up doing anything at 2 am.

I said yes to a meeting with the person complaining, hoping to get to the bottom of this. Now I’m wracking my brain trying to figure out what’s going on.

I don’t think this person is just making it up? I’m even wondering if my cat gets the zoomies at night might be the issue, she sometimes jumps off the counter. But she’s 11 pounds, it’s a new building and pretty soundproof, and she doesn’t wake me up in the same 1 bedroom. Once she knocked a glass off the counter but she’s definitely not moving furniture. I’ve wondered if the neighbor is hearing something from another apartment but I rarely hear anything - I don’t have anyone above me however.

A couple of then complaints were when I had Airbnb guests and I left notes about quiet hours for the next guests. No complaints for a woman and her sister who stayed 10 days last month.

How do I approach this during the meeting? I’m open to listening but I just don’t know how to deal with the complaints that couldn’t be me doing anything! I wasn’t even home for two of the most recent 3. I can’t fix or change anything here. I feel like I’m quiet and considerate but something is happening!

How would you all approach this, other than listening and hearing their concerns calmly of course?

It’s only been a week and I’m sure it’s too soon to draw any conclusions, but here I go sharing anyway. 😂

Situation: USA, 53 but 54 in a few days, about 2m retirement accounts, 200k liquid, future small pension, ss and family trust fund as additional. Own a 500k house with no mortgage. Health care covered by old government pension plan. Partnered but living apart together. Have been ramping down but just quit my remote part time job. Living on savings for six months then switching to a 401k with the Rule of 55 - still teaching one class a quarter online until January. Able to withdraw about $80k a year until 59.5

It is the strangest feeling not to need to set an alarm. Not to have work emails piling up. As a teacher I’ve had some practice with summer breaks, but then it dawns on me that this is real and permanent - my actual life. I’m still waking up at 6 am but have mostly been able to fall back asleep. My partner gets up early when he stays over and that’s a factor. Today I’m going to try to take a nap!

I made myself a to-do list and noticed it’s mostly hobbies and exercise. I’m really organized and driven so I’m needing to adjust. Yesterday went on a 4 hour forest hike by myself and it was wonderful. But I do notice that sometimes I’m not sure what to do with myself. If s also a holiday weekend now so most people are off work. During the week it’s more noticeable.

I have flashes of both happiness and boredom. I wish my partner could spend more time with me but also, he’s 45 and in the middle of working and saving. I worry that he will resent me but so far he’s been amazing, tells me that I’ve earned it and to enjoy. I do have a few retired friends but they are mostly older and seem older - they want to move to Palm Springs to play golf and pickleball and the ukulele. And I’m going tomorrow to take a pole exercise class, am training for a half marathon, live downtown in a midsized city and enjoy going to clubs and events.

I have upcoming travel plans with my partner, both backpacking and a couple of international trips. Beyond that, I’m just taking it day by day.

Thanks for reading/listening! Ask me anything.

53F, retiring in 2 weeks from all but a tiny online teaching job I enjoy. I don’t know who else to tell who will be happy for me, and not feel braggy.

Yesterday I saw $2m in my Vanguard account for the first time. I know it could drop again any minute. And I have another $200k in investments elsewhere plus a house with no mortgage. Plus free healthcare from a long ago employer. No spouse, no kids.

So I don’t really have a question, I know I can retire. This just feels weird? But good. Anyone who can relate? The stock market seems pretty wildly high but my living expenses are in safe investments.