r/FIREyFemmes

36F and 40M married with two young kids. We recently crossed a $1.85MM net worth milestone and honestly it still feels a bit surreal.

For income, I make around $120k and my husband makes around $100k from his full-time job. He also has a small business on the side that brings in roughly another $100k-$140k in revenue depending on the year, though we generally try not to touch that money and mostly leave it invested or within the business.

We also own two rental properties in addition to our primary residence. One is a condo, which honestly hasn’t really helped much with equity growth, but the other detached house has done quite well. It has probably appreciated around $200k since we purchased it, plus we’ve been steadily paying down the mortgage over the years, so there’s now a decent amount of equity built up in it.

We’re by no means ultra-frugal and definitely still spend on things that matter to us. We plan to send both our sons to private school, which will be around $10k/year per child. Not an elite or ultra-expensive school by any means, but we value the smaller class sizes and feel it will be a better fit for them.

We also prioritize travel and family experiences. Typically we do one international trip a year,
one trip within Canada/US/Mexico, plus a few smaller road trips throughout the year.

We eat out occasionally, spend on our kids, and try to enjoy life while still being intentional with money. This definitely wasn’t achieved through extreme FIRE-style deprivation. More just consistent earning, investing, and avoiding major lifestyle inflation as income increased.

At this point, we’re still trying to figure out how aggressive to stay with investing, whether to continue building real estate exposure vs index funds,
and what “enough” actually looks like with young kids.

Curious for others a bit further ahead…. Did your 40s become the decade where wealth accumulation really accelerated?

Also, as a woman, I honestly don’t have many people in real life to talk to about personal finance/investing. Most of my friends just aren’t really into this stuff, so it’s nice being able to discuss it somewhere.

This year I’m having some rather expensive medical procedures and my health insurance is only partially covering them. However, they are qualified medical deductions on my taxes.

Needless to say I can withdraw money from my 403b (like a 401k) penalty free to cover them. The withdrawal would count as income but effectively not be taxed because it was a qualified medical expense.

If I pull the money from my 401k it’s done I can just move on and not worry about it any longer. In general this would be a bad idea. However, I’ve been aggressively saving for years and have more saved than I need for retirement and no real desire to stop working.

Alternately I take a loan out against my 403b. Due to the fact that it needs repaid jn 5 years the payment will be almost 1,000 a month. I can afford this but it creates additional stress that in many ways I’d prefer to avoid. It made sense to contribute traditional had I contributed to a brokerage I’d definitely use the brokerage funds to pay this but instead I saved traditional so have to deal with IRS rules on withdrawals.

Which do you think makes the most sense.

A) low stress 401k withdrawal, no need to worry about taxes, won’t materially change my goal retirement date. But not financially the best option.

B) higher stress loan with large payment that will hang over my head for the next 5 years forcing me to continue working 50 hour weeks to pay it.

Hello, I'm back again with another RSU question:

I kept a bunch of vested RSUs from my current company. I want to liquidate these shares ASAP to diversify.

This is made hairier because I can only buy/sell in the trading window, which is always within 30 days (each way) of my vesting date, which counts as a "buy" action to the IRS - which triggers a wash sale.

They are mix of long term and short term cap gains, and the vesting price for all of these RSUs was higher than both my "strike price" when I joined the company *and* it's current public value. So if I sell, it will be at a loss. I have already sold the shares that have gains already to avoid a wash sale BUT now I'm not sure if it matters; I have ~$25k worth of capital losses that I have been slowly carrying over from a small company IPO 5+ years ago (staying within the IRS $3k annual limit).

My real questions:

Does avoiding a wash sale really matter if I already have $25k+ in capital losses to carry over? And is it actually advantageous to me to sell some RSUs at a loss to offset the ones that I have already sold at a gain? Do I have all my info correct here?

Thanks!

Hey everyone! Looking for some advice or wisdom from other fire femmes who might have gone through something similar.

I’ve been working for a faang company for five years now, and took a leave of absence at the recommendation of three doctors about two months ago due to the stress and anxiety the role was causing. I really enjoyed the work itself (software engineer turned product manager), but the politics and people in the org were draining me.

I am trying to figure out what’s next. I’ve been applying to more roles in similar spaces but haven’t had any leads that I had confidence in. I’d rather not go back to my previous work environment, but that seems to be the path of least resistance. Am I crazy for wanting to take a couple months off after my leave to continue looking for a new role somewhere else? I have some personal goals for how I’d spend that time but I can’t turn off my high achieving brain to even think quitting my job is ok. Here’s what my portfolio looks like now, I am 27.

$200k investments / stock
$30k cash / hysa
$200k retirement
$400k equity on a $1M condo in VVHCOL
No other debts, no kids

What did you do if you had burnout? Accept a dip in savings and do the work to find a better situation? Stick with the shit and try to find a new role? Would appreciate any advice or anecdotes :) this community rocks

Looking into term life insurance policies. I've relied on having it as a work benefit but I'm going to opt out when open enrollment comes around in lieu something more permanent. I don't have plans to have kids but I have a lot of family who I'd like to take care of in the event of my demise.

Any recs? I'm not sure if it's region specific but if it helps I'm a Bay Area resident. Thank you!

I’m a young woman in my early 30s trying to FIRE, but I get really anxious when researching places abroad. I want somewhere affordable on a modest budget, but safety (especially as a solo female) is my top priority.

Every list I look at right now either feels too expensive or sketchy on safety. How did other women here narrow it down and actually feel confident about a location?

Marked the occasion with a 2006 vintage rare Rolex as a heirloom(2006 is a significant year).Paying for my mother’s flight trip to china and taking my twins and hubby to the sphere to watch backstreet boys and visiting family across Canada in the summer. I will say, it’s hard to spend money like this after leaving a career and investing hard for 20 years.

I now reframe my spends as ‘investments’ on health, time, family and experiences.

What did you do? What purchases or experiences, or other did you celebrate with?

Happy Friday! I thought I was going to be able to swing buying a house but I'm in a HCOL area and it's not gonna happen. I am wayyyy overthinking what to do with the 400k cash I'd set aside. So it's just been sitting, and sitting, and sitting. Now I feel guilty and like a dope for not just putting it in the market a year ago. But, onwards!!! Here are the details: I already max my 401k (650k total) have a rainy day fund, and no debt. I've got 440k in a brokerage mostly based on the Bogglehead method. However, these are bonkers times and plopping 400k into the market in one day makes me want to vomit. I am overwhelmed, can y'all words of wisdom me into getting this invested. What would you do with it?

We are 1.25 M short of our FIRE goal. We are aiming to be in the country for the next three years, however recently learnt that maternity leave is only 4-5 months in the USA.

I am leaning towards taking a career break after maternity leave and joining a new company after the baby turns 1 yr or 14 months old. My husband wants to work till 2028, after which he wants to try his startup ideas. So that his insurance covers all of us when I am on a career break. I am a SDE senior level.

What should I know/consider from a financial and career perspective before deciding to quit the job?

I’m 32, work in clinical trials, and I think I’ve hit a wall mentally with the “always optimize, always accelerate” mindset.

Financially, I’m doing well:
- $500k invested total
- $200k in taxable brokerage
- maxing retirement accounts

My current role is extremely high pressure and I realize im hitting a wall and don’t want this intense career.

I recently applied for an Associate Director role back in academic medicine research. It would likely be more stable, less volatile, and still pay enough for me to comfortably but definitely not what I’m making now. Probably $30k less annually.

Im struggling with the fear that I’m financially ruining myself if I stop aggressively working and investing. I know that I’ll probably still be more than okay long term. But emotionally, I feel anxious about no longer accelerating. I still don’t own a home, but it’s really not a priority now or in the near future.

Has anyone else reached a point where they realized they valued sustainability and peace more than maximizing career trajectory? Did stepping off the high-intensity path end up hurting you financially long term, or did it actually improve your life overall?

The money is just in index funds and bonds... I didn't do anything special.

It's really amazing how the snowball keeps getting bigger once it's started. I guess I'm posting this because I can only tell one IRL person, and I really want to encourage other people to build their own snowball.

I don't feel like I missed out on much in my working years. I did drive/keep a cheap car and live in a modest apartment. I went to all the concerts and dinners I wanted to. Traveled when I could.... tipped people, bought gifts, donated to charity...etc

Reposting this because of bad title typo :D

Hello hello-

I work in tech and am looking into a mega backdoor Roth. My company's 401k plan allows after-tax contributions with conversion.

I have RSUs that vest every 3 months, with one coming up. Historically, I've been using the RSUs as savings/investments - I sell them off upon vest (and pay taxes up front by selling shares) and transfer straight into my brokerage.

However, with the MBDR option, I was thinking I could live off of stock vests and use my paycheck to max out the MBDR. I max out my 401k each year and have 7.2k in matching from my company, so that would mean I have $38,300 left. My post-tax stock vests are fairly equal to that, so it balances out nicely.

Are there any downsides to my approach other than the usual "brokerage is liquid and rIRA is not"?

I feel pretty late to the game, but I guess starting now(ish) is better than never.

Early 30s, I have a 401k, and a HY savings account. I haven't started investing outside of 401k because my job has strict rules around what I can / cannot do because I have access to MNPI. I can really only do pretty basic stuff (think: gold). I have a decent chunk id be willing to immediately put into investments, but not even sure what to put it towards or really how (I think I can use something like fidelity). Everything I do has to be pre-approved by work, which I'll obviously do, but I just really barely know how or where to start!

Anyway, appreciate any & all advice.

Hello everyone. I turned 25 last month and with that I was given ownership by my mom to a brokerage account that contains shares from 8 individual stocks, 1 ETF, and 57K in cash that total to 2.1 million. Most of it comes from the 8 stocks.

I currently work freelance in film/tv and photography and it's been rough financially with how inconsistent work can be, especially recently. I'm functionally unemployed in-between work. On the upside, I don't have any debt (car is paid off and no student loans). I otherwise been living my life as I have since the inheritance.

I'm interested in advice for how to manage this newfound wealth and grow it effectively. I'm also interested in getting some idea of my tax situation particularly if I were to sell some of my shares in the future.

Hello,
I see and love this community - you all are amazing!

My spouse and I are living in a very high cost of living city, so it’s not practical to buy a home here.

However, our combined net worth is about $750,000 and our taxes are pretty high (have two kids, less than $100K in student loans, very little credit card debt).
Our accountant recommended buying a rental home and starting to diversify some real estate holdings.

We previously owned and sold two homes - had to move to this city for jobs.

What time horizon and savings amount would be best for buying a rental home? Do any of you use property managers? How do you make it the right tax vehicle and balance profitability? Adding that we want to long term own 3-4 homes to rent out in vacation cities and have this for our kids.

Suggestions welcome!

ETA: I’m a real estate attorney, I have handled nonpaying tenants at work, just not personally. Credit cards are low balance, we use them for flights. Have strong credit.

I have reached the first milestone of my wealth plan and I don’t have to work but I feel so purposeless now. What to do?
I have kept this achievement myself, only me and my partner know about this massive achievement so this adds to feeling lost. Anyone else fear others envy and also the purposelessness?

Hi,

I only recently discovered the FIRE community.

Here are my key stats:
36, Female, 150k salary VHCOL
NW 650k of which 300 in 401k&Roth; 350k currently in savings account

Question 1: How to transfer those 350k into the market? Which index funds? I have been super afraid that market goes down but feel I missed the biggest moments, so helpful for good advice.

Question 2: I am currently saving/investing 60k/year (mega backdoor Roth and 401k) and want to keep that up until we have kids, so probably another year or so. Would I be able to Coast FIRE from then on if I want to retire by 60? I love to travel internationally and would also like to buy a home eventually. Most childcare expenses would probably come from my paycheck (see below).

Partner is 43, 100k salary and until recently saved 50$/month in 401k. His total NW is 270k in brokerage SP500, most of which gifted from parents. He expects 500k inheritance in 10-15 years (today’s value).

His (non)savings habits have been a major issue and the reason we held off marriage. He recently started contributing more to 401k but would be unable to contribute significantly to childcare expenses.

In this financial setup, I would only get married and have kids with iron-clad prenup (no shared finances; common account where each contributes exact same $ amount; rest completely separate).

Question 3: Is that prenup plan a good idea? How have you worked toward aFIRE goals if partner deprioritizes retirement and prefers to eat out every other day? For now, I am thinking I can accept that if it comes all out of his pocket. But any perspective appreciated.

Question 4: Related to question 3, does it make sense to buy home together where I pay (and own) 2/3 of the house?

Thanks!

Hello everyone! I’m 27F, with a net worth of 340K+, and I work in tech (I have since I was 19) + also run a business.

My best friends have been my best friends since under grad and I love them because are the best, they care about me and they are good people. We have been together through thick and thin. We’re travelling together, later in June for a trip that I’m both excited for and nervous about.

Sometimes though, I do feel frustrated by them - one of them is in government in IT and the other is a teacher. They have fairly good work life balance compared to myself, however, with that comes a lower income in HCOL.

I occasionally get comments like ‘can you just move this meeting or take it in the car on the way to dinner?’ Or ‘oh damn you’re responding to emails in the morning (7:30 AM) and not waiting till you get to the office?’ I try to not let these comments affect me because I recognize they’re coming from a good place, and they just don’t have to do those things.

Where they fill their time with hobbies, like book club, dragon boating, etc my hobbies tend to revolve around family, the business, sleeping, working out and of course going out with them every weekend.

I love them to bits, they’re not bitchy by any means but sometimes I wish I wasn’t always the adult in our friendship. I love that they bring whimsy and joy, but I also believe in handling the practical life stuff too so that I can enjoy life down the line and am not suffering.

Am I crazy here? Am I the bitch? Has anyone else gone through this?

It’s been my absolute dream to retire early.

My husband is very status quo and was fighting the idea for years. He wasn’t willing to live frugally so I thought to myself, better build something that’ll give me the money and freedom I want.

We’re separated and going to be divorcing this year.

Meanwhile I’ve been working on my business for years.

And today I think… I think I realized I’m living my dream.

I’m traveling to be on site with a client today, and I realized it’s the first city I had my first job in.

I made more today—TODAY… as in, in a single DAY—than I did that entire year of full time work. And almost as much as I made in *two* years of full time work, working for someone else.

Oh my god.

I have no one to tell. I whispered it to strangers I passed on the street, but I want to be able to live it with my whole heart and say it with my whole chest.

I’m still getting my financial footing under me, so I’m no where near FIRE yet, but I’m on my way.

Phew girl, I’m on my way.

Edit to add: I’ve heard stories about people posting and going to bed and having no idea the traction it would gain over night but this is the first time it happened to me 💜 I am blown away and so happy to spend my morning receiving this and responding! THANK YOU!

Mid-30sF. Have been working for nearly 15 years, no major recurring expenses except for the occasional health scare.

Questions for you. All of my brokerage is invested in various mutual funds and stock. Is there anything else I can be doing to “put it to work?” Would you buy a property to rent out?

I’d like to eventually shift from active income (grinding in my day job and side hustles) to passive income (have no idea what to do). What ideas have you explored?

Cash: $10K

401K: $500K

HSA: $25K

Brokerage: $315K