r/FIREyFemmes

It’s only been a week and I’m sure it’s too soon to draw any conclusions, but here I go sharing anyway. 😂

Situation: USA, 53 but 54 in a few days, about 2m retirement accounts, 200k liquid, future small pension, ss and family trust fund as additional. Own a 500k house with no mortgage. Health care covered by old government pension plan. Partnered but living apart together. Have been ramping down but just quit my remote part time job. Living on savings for six months then switching to a 401k with the Rule of 55 - still teaching one class a quarter online until January. Able to withdraw about $80k a year until 59.5

It is the strangest feeling not to need to set an alarm. Not to have work emails piling up. As a teacher I’ve had some practice with summer breaks, but then it dawns on me that this is real and permanent - my actual life. I’m still waking up at 6 am but have mostly been able to fall back asleep. My partner gets up early when he stays over and that’s a factor. Today I’m going to try to take a nap!

I made myself a to-do list and noticed it’s mostly hobbies and exercise. I’m really organized and driven so I’m needing to adjust. Yesterday went on a 4 hour forest hike by myself and it was wonderful. But I do notice that sometimes I’m not sure what to do with myself. If s also a holiday weekend now so most people are off work. During the week it’s more noticeable.

I have flashes of both happiness and boredom. I wish my partner could spend more time with me but also, he’s 45 and in the middle of working and saving. I worry that he will resent me but so far he’s been amazing, tells me that I’ve earned it and to enjoy. I do have a few retired friends but they are mostly older and seem older - they want to move to Palm Springs to play golf and pickleball and the ukulele. And I’m going tomorrow to take a pole exercise class, am training for a half marathon, live downtown in a midsized city and enjoy going to clubs and events.

I have upcoming travel plans with my partner, both backpacking and a couple of international trips. Beyond that, I’m just taking it day by day.

Thanks for reading/listening! Ask me anything.

Hi everyone! 💛

Today is my 23rd birthday, and I thought I'd do something a little outside my comfort zone.

I recently started my FIRE journey, and while I'm incredibly excited about it, it can also feel quite lonely. I come from a low-income European country where financial literacy isn't very common, so there aren't many people around me who share these goals or even understand why I'm so passionate about investing, saving and building financial independence. Sometimes it even makes me question whether I'm on the right path.

One of the things that has kept me motivated is reading the stories in this group. Seeing so many amazing women supporting each other and building the lives they want has been incredibly inspiring. I'm sure there are so many wonderful mentors here.

So, as a little birthday gift, I'd love to ask: if you could give your 23-year-old self (or someone just starting their FIRE journey) one piece of advice, what would it be?

So I have been thinking about this a lot lately and wanted to hear from other women who have been there. Whether it is a work meeting, a networking event, or even a hobby group, sometimes you walk in and realize you are the only woman or one of very few. It can feel isolating even when everyone around you is technically being perfectly fine and professional.

For me it took a while to stop shrinking myself down and just take up space unapologetically. I started reminding myself that my perspective is actually valuable precisely because it is different from everyone else in the room. That mindset shift helped a lot.

But I still have days where imposter syndrome creeps back in and I wonder if I truly belong or if people are taking me seriously.

I would love to know what strategies or habits have helped you stay grounded and confident in those situations. Did you find a particular mindset, routine, or even a piece of advice someone gave you that actually stuck? Maybe a way you have built community with other women outside of those spaces to recharge and stay motivated?

Would really love to hear your experiences because I think we can all learn something from each other here.

Ladies,

I DID IT!!! Oh my god I am so excited to share this with you all!!

I crossed the 200k (€) mark TODAY!! AND I only just turned 30!

I am so damn proud of myself!

I'm so excited to see your reactions as I have noone I can share/celebrate this with in my life, as I am keeping my finances private for now, because that's what feels right to me and makes me feel safe.

A little bit about my journey that led me to this point:

This did by no means happen over night. Ever since I found my love for financial education and the FIRE movement in 2019 I have done everything I can to build wealth all by myself and in a clever way.

I earn a very regular wage, but live a very frugal lifestyle and invest as much as I can in ETFs like the Vanguard FTSI All-World (Acc) ETF. I live life to the fullest (I love travelling!) but I do it very intentionally and on a clear budget. I don't need much except the bare minimum (home, food, etc.) and have always made sure to have low cost/free hobbies. I am truly very fulfilled and happy.

And what truly gives me joy in a money sense is not buying things, but seeing how I become more and more free each month by building wealth and getting closer to financial independence. ☺️

I have worked so damn hard to get here and it was SO worth it!

I have truly never felt this free and that feeling is getting even stronger the more money I have. Because money = freedom.

I truly know I can reach financial independence through my own hard work and ambition and so can you!

Just remember: Every Euro/dollar counts, every small amount counts and brings you closer towards your goal! Never underestimate that!

I'll go make myself a nice drink, celebrate this huge milestone now. ☺️💃🏼

All the love

J

I’m 35F, looking to connect with women in Toronto who are intentionally building a different kind of life.
Childfree by choice
Working toward financial independence with an early retirement goal (around 40)
Prioritizing health, strength, and longevity as a long-term investment in quality of life
Are happy, positive people who like their lives, the people in it and don’t need gossip as a means to connect with others
Single or if in a relationship have high standards and only engage with high quality partners that add significant tangible value to your life
It can feel rare to find people who are intentionally designing life this way, so I’d love to connect with others on a similar path.

I (33F) have been dating my BF (29M) for about a year and half now.

I own a home and run a lucrative business that earns me a multiple six figure salary. I've been working since I was 17 and I'm on track to hit FIRE within the next 5 years.

My BF recently finished college and has been looking for work for the last year but hasn't found anything yet. He still lives with his parents but is planning to find an apartment later this year. Despite being unemployed, he is financially savvy and has managed to save up a sizeable nest egg from the money he earned at a previous job years ago.

When it comes to dates and whatnot we take turns paying so it's roughly 50/50, but I think I still absorb more costs overall since he stays over at my place, eats my groceries, runs up my utility bills, etc. which I'm mostly fine with.

He knows I do well for myself and that I earn over $100k, but he does not know that I actually earn much more. Given the big discrepancy in our life stages I have not felt the need to give him details, and a large part of me believes that as long as we are just dating and not living together, my finances are none of his business. That said, as our relationship progresses it's looking likely that we will eventually move in together and possibly more once he gets his footings, and I'm worried that when the time comes he will feel that I've been deliberately dishonest with him or that I've taken advantage by expecting him to go splits with me on things when I earn so much more than he likely ever will.

Even if we got married my intention would be to keep our finances mostly separate and I would definitely get a prenup. I would be fine with covering more of our expenses at that point, but right now I do not want to disincentivize him from working hard, nor to open myself up to being taken advantage of.

But I guess I'm just wondering where the line is in a relationship between holding your cards close and straight up lying by omission? How much of your personal finances do you discuss with someone you are dating?

I keep seeing discourse on money that credits any financial independence or savings to “daddy’s money”. Of course people get help, but at least where I grew up, that was a rarity.

Some of the friends I met in college had their parents paying for their college, flights, and vacations. They make solid money now, but don’t save much and plan to put more towards retirement later.

They know I am financially savvy and we don’t shy away from discussing the topic, but they always seem kinda perplexed that budgeting and investing has improved my life. They can’t wrap their mind around someone being financially secure without help or some yolo investments.

I understand that it’s tough to move up in class and statistics show this, its kinda frustrating and I’m just embracing that people will assume I grew up well off even though FIRE has been my saving grace.

Anyone else experience this online or with people you know?

I've always lived fugally. I work in the nonprofit sector, have been consistently wildly underpaid (even by nonprofit standards), and had clear financial goals I prioritized: paying off my student loans, paying out of pocket for my Masters, and a healthy retirement fund. I've avoided anything I thought was 'extra'.

A year ago I started my dream job, a job I didn't think I'd get for at least 10 years, if ever. I got a 65% pay increase (apparently I'm still underpaid).

Anyhow, the point being: after 15 years of scrutinizing every dollar I spend, I'm now meeting all my savings goals and actually starting to spend on non-essentials. It's taken time, but I'm finally starting to feel comfortable buying a new dress just for fun or getting an afternoon ice coffee.

I'm considering getting corrective eye surgery (similar to LASIK) and am really struggling with the financial part of the decision.

My eyes are bad bad, so bad that my contacts are considered 'medically necessary' and are covered by insurance (-11 in both eyes). Only in the last 2 years did my eyes stabilize enough for corrective eye surgery to be an option. And now I finally feel like I can afford it.

But, it's $10k. That's so much money for a non-essential surgery. I've been wearing contacts for nearly 30 years, they don't bother me. This would simply mean that I don't have to deal with contacts or glasses. I'm completely nonfunctional without contacts/glasses so this surgery would be game changing, just...not essential.

I have the savings to cover it up front and also buffer in my monthly budget if I wanted to put it on credit for 0% and pay it off over 2 years (without impacting other saving/spending). This wouldn't significantly impact my progress towards my financial goals in a meaningful way. I've hit CoastFI but am still contributing max to all retirement accounts. It's roughly 1% of our net worth (not including real estate). But $10k is still a lot of money and so far outside of my comfort zone.

Thanks for anyone who has read this far. Even just writing this out has helped me get some clarity. I think what I'm looking for is:

• Hearing from others who faced a similar decision out of your comfort zone, how did you think about it and ultimately make your decision?

• A sanity check- am I thinking too hard about this? Do I need to just do the thing?

• General comments and perspectives.

Thank you!!

Update Well, the clear consensus is I should just get it done. Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I literally started tearing up reading some of these comments. I've had non-functioning eyes for so long that I needed the reminder that sight is one of the basic senses and if I have the ability to restore them I need to just do it. Sometimes a girl just needs a kick in the pants ❤️ Thank you!!

We are well on our way towards CoastFI, which means by the time I turn 40 in a few years, I will no longer need to save money and I can work and earn just enough to cover our expenses. Depending on what my husband decides to do, I probably just need to earn $90k+ for another 10-15 years, at most.

I'm director-level in ops and analytics in SaaS and I'm just over it. The industry is frustrating, the egos are insufferable, AI is exhausting, and the work is still somehow boring and repetitive.

So now I spend a few hours a day fantasizing about some wild and irresponsible career change, maybe to something where I have to go back to school and I'll probably earn 1/3rd of what I make right now. I don't want to just stay in SaaS and downshift - I definitely could do that, but the tech ick is so strong right now I don't know if I could suffer it.

But my mind is everywhere: library science, agriculture, urban planning, resource management, teaching, etc. I can sense that I'm just fantasizing about something else - very grass is greener.

I'm not so rich that I can just fuck up my life, and in general I don't want to waste time, energy, or resources. I want to be useful, I want to work on something real and impactful, I want to work with humans, and I'm pretty smart and good at what I do. I'm probably burnt out but I'm in therapy and generally well otherwise, so I'm really just looking for career advice. A sabbatical is definitely an option, but then it still means I need something to come back to.

Anyway, I don't want to make a rash decision, but it's put me in a very soul-search-y kind of mode. Any resources - especially books and podcasts - somebody could recommend? Something that helped you navigate a similar decision?

I posted about my plans to FIRE in theboglehead subreddit, as a 29 year-old, biglaw
lawyer, with a $235,000 income. So many (I presume men), were butt hurt that I was talking about FIREing only for myself, and not for my husband too. Despite the fact that, I made it clear multiple times that my husband does not even want to FIRE. I presume a lot of them were jealous. But anyways ladies, be careful about who you tell about your FIRE plans. Not everyone is rooting for you.

For context, I am in a clinical psychology program. My partner and I are 30 and have about 250k saved, but we are about to put all of that down for a house. Partner makes about 70k a year and my grad school program takes at least 6 years to complete (I have about 3 years left including internship where you only make 40k). I have a scholarship for 40k untaxed every year, but pay 10k in tuition. Earning potential is fairly high when I get out if I go the private practice route, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to pull us out of 6-7 years with only one average income. In terms of housing, now seems like a good time to buy for first-time homebuyers in the area of Canada I am in, so we would like to go ahead with that plan. Anyone have any insights on this? Or should I just hope for a regular retirement? As an FYI, I already have an external job but it is just impossible to work that much in addition to the clinical degree which requires regular clinical work on top of regular PhD research duties.

DINK couple living in MCOL & aiming to reach 1 mil in investments when we're 35. Currently have $820k invested in early 30's. HHI $275k. Primary residence is worth around $430k with $200k left on mortgage. Our rental property is worth $420k with $225k left on mortgage. Both interest rates are around 3.4% so not worth paying off early yet to us. Yearly spend is around $65k.

We can continue to be frugal & invest ~$120k/yr but honestly we're a bit burned out. I want to scale back and invest maybe $50k/yr and retire with around $2mil around 42-43. My job is very stressful (healthcare) so I want to get out as soon as possible.

A big dream for me is to get involved in philanthropy - either with my time or money. I would love to start a substantial scholarship fund for underprivileged or first gen students. I would love to cover the full undergrad/graduate school tuition for one student a yr.

If that's not feasible without me working til I die, then i would want to maybe get involved in starting a charity to donate money to cover vet bills for animal rescues/shelters.

Just brainstorming here and understand I really need to go over the financials.. but has anyone gotten involved in anything like this?

My husband and I got married a few weeks ago, and we were extremely lucky to receive a significant amount of cash gifts. Rather than spending this money, we'd like to use it as the start of a "nest egg" that will gain interest and value and set us up for the future.

We're American, both in our 30s, full time employed in relatively stable paths. We own a home and have a budget to manage our mortgage payments, bills, student loans, etc while still having fun money. While we're definitely "comfortable," we are already looking toward a future where I could retire early due to my chronic illness.

Happy to take any and all advice on how best to invest this money, or recommendations for HYSAs. We want this money to make money as easily as possible.

As the title states - I got serious about my financial goals only 8 years ago, I’m 40. I remember writing that fake cheque to myself for 1 million thinking it would be nice if that happened “sometime” in my lifetime. 2020 I started investing in ETFs/MFs even though those gains are only about 14% of the total pie. My main gains have been from company RSUs and ESPP purchases that I’ve held (and intend to hold) onto well past even resigning from former employers. For some reason, none of my independent investment stock picks have grown the same way - and that includes getting in on NVDA (albeit late) at 200 and watching that pendulum swing for the past 6 months. Either way, this is a milestone that seemed inconceivable 8 years ago.

I’ve set myself another “maybe someday” aim for 10M that seems inconceivable at the moment but if the trajectory I’ve seen so far continues that’s mathematically imminent in 20 years. My thoughts on FIRE have altered a bit in recent months and I find myself dreaming more of hitting that milestone than retirement - plus work gives me a sense of purpose and I’m not sure how I would fare without it so maybe the wrong sub but it still feels good to know I have a cushion.

Hello!

What are your goals for this month?

How did your goals for last month turn out?

I recently realized that I had not been contributing to my 401k like I thought I had, and am having some anxiety about where we’re at.

——

Ages: 30 and 31

HHI is about $120k (We are both actively looking for higher paying jobs, currently interviewing for roles that would bring HHI up to $185-200k)

I am the only one who has had an employer-sponsored plan, and currently have about $30k split between pre-tax and Roth. After correcting my contributions I have been putting about $850/month (15% of my gross) in, split between pre-tax and Roth, and my employer match adds an additional $225.

Personal investments total about $45k, with a recurring transfer set up for $500/month.

Emergency savings currently funded with about 3 months’ expenses.

Other equity: My partner and I bought a condo in our VHCOL area (ski town) a little over a year ago that currently has about 180k equity and 345k left at a 6.4% interest rate. We did prioritize downpayment savings and early principal payments over other savings in the year before/after buying, and our monthly payment is equal or less than what rent would be for a comparable place. Our plan is to eventually move to a lower COL area and either treat this as an investment/rental property or invest the proceeds from the sale, but that would likely not be for 10+ years.

Cars are fully paid off, no student loans or other debt.

We do not plan to have children.

——

I know we may have missed the “retire early” boat unless we see a very large pay jump that allows us to invest aggressively, but we are hoping to recalibrate and set up a strong foundation as best we can. Any feedback, advice, or encouragement?

I’ve been learning more about FIRE recently, and one thing I keep coming back to is how important consistency seems in the early years. The idea of building long term financial independence is exciting, but I imagine the beginning phase can sometimes feel slow or even discouraging when progress doesn’t feel immediately visible.

I’m especially curious about how others particularly women in this community managed to stay motivated and consistent during that early stage. Did you rely on tracking tools, set smaller milestone goals, or focus more on habit-building rather than outcomes? Or was there a specific mindset shift that made the process feel more sustainable?

I’d also love to hear if there were any practical strategies that helped you balance everyday life with long-term financial planning, especially when progress felt gradual. I’m asking because I want to understand real experiences and approaches that actually helped people stay on track over time, not just theory.

I’m 33 years old and have $800,000 invested and another $120,000 set aside in a high yield saving account for a down payment/emergency fund.

I work in tech and it’s just so volatile that I’m constantly afraid of being laid off at any minute. In an ideal world I would want to retire at 57. Which would put me at 3.2 - 3.5 million at retirement with 6-7% returns but part of me just doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

Am I being crazy in thinking this isn’t enough and that I need to keep contributing?

My current expenses are around $6,000 per month in a medium to high cost to living city and my partner and I are planning to have one child. So daycare and then college costs eventually.

Yesterday was my (39f) last day at work. It hasn't been very stressful for a long time and I was full WFH, so can't say it's some giant relief, but exciting nevertheless.

My husband (41m) will FIRE in three weeks (can't say no to that last vesting!). We are over our FIRE number, not including a fully paid off house that we also just paid to completely renovate from top to bottom. As we had planned to have a mortgage or rent at our original FIRE number, we are feeling very good. This excess is due to the strong market & making a change to our moving plans which kept us working for an additional year while we figured out what was best for us.

Now we are driving 14 hours to drop some belongings at my parents' house before moving abroad where we have purchased a house.

We have three young children ages 2, 4 and 6. Maybe more exciting than being finished with work is being done with daycare bills as where we are moving has public schools starting at 2.5.

Cheers to all who are on the journey, the end does come at some point - or maybe it's really just a new beginning.

I am 43. I got divorced last year, and have since designated my 4 children (the eldest is now 16, youngest is 7) as equal beneficiaries in all my accounts (401k, IRAs, taxable brokerage, life insurance through employer) and a house I just bought with a 30-year mortgage.

At what point do I need a will and/or a trust? What else do I need to know to plan in case something happens to me?

I was completely naive when I first separated a few years ago from my ex-husband, and want to be more savvy this time around as I plan my future.

Ex and I have a joint custody, though on tense terms and dislike each other. He is pretty wealthy and has his own money and real estate. I don’t have any other extended family.

I do have a serious partner who lives with me; only my name is on the title of the house and partner is not listed as a beneficiary anywhere. At this point he and I keep our finances separate, with him paying me a set amount of rent every month and taking turns on groceries.

Also, in case this matters: my total net worth (home and accounts) is still under $1m.