Kids or no kids, it is never ending.
Love Panera bread.
Mid-30s and ambitious - the kind of ambition that comes from a piss poor upbringing, trauma, and financial abuse, surrounded by people incentivized to keep me small. I’m in a position where I don’t need anything and have more than enough money to walk away. But I want to continue to climb. Get the big job, live in the high rise, and crush it.
My husband is the greatest guy I know. But what he really lives for is his friend group, and all of them are in the same stage: kids, suburbs, SAHM, and weekends that are all family. That’s the life he wants because that’s the life they have. And for years I haven’t been able to get there, mostly because I’m not sure it’s the right thing, I’m not sure I’d be safe (mentally physiologically emotionally) if I succumbed, and I’m scared that as soon as we have kids, it’s a checkbox checked for him and everything is on me for the rest of my life. I would love to have a kid. I just don’t think this environment would be safe for me to have one.
There’s no villain here. He’s not a bad husband - he’s actually the best. But the life he wants requires me to become someone I’m not, and the life I want requires him to leave behind the social world he cares about. He says he’s supportive and wants to see me win, but I know it’s only in the context that it doesn’t conflict with what he wants.
I know the answer is divorce, but I don’t want that. I want to find ways to make it work. For women who’ve been here: did you push through, or did you walk away? What do you wish you’d known earlier?
On fertility: my mom and grandma had kids well into their 40s, so I’m not as concerned about the clock.