A relationship with no future or lonely?
Im in my late 50's and was divorced 6 years ago. I met a lovey lady about 4 years ago and we started a relationship. It was a long distance one. I wont go into the ins and outs and it will go on forever.
We were both quite guarded i think and probably never discussed our feelings - big mistake on both our parts. It became obvious as time went on we wanted different things. She has a lovely full life with lots of family and friends - i live in a new area where i moved to with my ex and its a remotish area. My family is small. She lives in the town i came from so i ended up going down there most weekends.
So as time progressed it beca,e obvious i really wanted something more serious - she didnt - she has a life she wants and really only wants a partner that can fit in around her. I feel im still looking for a new start so although im not looking for someone to make a life for me, id still like to be more a couple than an addition if that makes sense?
Again it was obvious from the conversations we had that she was happy way things were - i wasnt and did bring this up several times. She would kind of gloss over it as she didnt really want to dicuss anything like this.
And so eventually i started to think that it cant really go on because its stressing me out - im imagining something with her thats never going to happen.
So about 6 weeks ago i ended it, its the most difficult thing ive ever done - i didnt end it how i should of and im ashamed of this and always will be, but i knew i couldnt carry on. I knew if i started to contact her id want to rush back down there.
But a week ago i broke - i knew what was coming but it was like I had to have her slam the door in my face - even though i knew i couldnt carry on. And thats exactly what happened - how fckin stupid. I knew after wed finished id be lonely, very lonely and miss her.
we eventually had a quick message and she told me that she felt we had become dissconnected anyway which i agreed with
The choice was carry on in a relationship you knew wasnt going to go anywhere because you both wanterd different things but you loved her or move forward by first finishing it and being lonely to begin with.
Everytime the phone pings i wish it was her and the messages she used to send - is it the though of a relationship and what could of been im missng?..something that never actually existed?..maybe, but i know at the moment this is hurting really really badly.
..because it hurts..my heart is still saying i shouldnt have done it but my head was saying to build a lfe you want you have to move forward
So whats the point in this post?
Has anyone been through the same thing?