even the smallest pregnancy risk is stopping me (20F) from getting more intimate with the person I love (22M)
I (20F) have known basically my entire life that I never want to be pregnant. Its a deep discomfort with the idea of being pregnant at all. Even when I was very young, the thought already made me uneasy, and that feeling never changed.
For years I assumed I’d never date someone with a dick because the risk, however small, is enough to make me anxious to the point where I can’t sleep. I’m aware that this sounds disproportionate to the actual probability
Then the relationship with my closest friend (22M) was developing and we fell inlove. Before we started dating, I was completely upfront: I don’t need sexual intercourse in a relationship, and abstinence is the only thing that feels 100% safe to me. He accepted that, and we’ve respected those boundaries. Our relationship is emotionally very close and genuinely good. But now that we’re deeper into the relationship and half a year in, I sometimes want more physical closeness.
And that’s where the conflict starts. Wanting intimacy and feeling absolute panic about pregnancy exist at the same time in my brain. Researching birth control honestly makes things worse due to physical health issues. Every option seems to come with physical side effects, hormonal risks, or failure rates that my brain fixates on. Reading other people’s experiences sends me into anxiety spirals instead of reassuring me.
I’m quite certain I don’t want to experience pregnancy. If I ever wanted children, adoption would feel more acceptable to me, but being pregnant myself feels completely non-negotiable. I’ve thought about sterilization, but financing it, the risks and even finding a doctor willing to take a young woman seriously feels like another uphill battle. A lot of people immediately frame it as something I’ll regret or assume I need therapy instead of autonomy
Don’t really know what the “right” solution is here. I’m not trying to be dramatic or avoid responsibility, I’m just trying to find a way where I can stay in a relationship I care about without constantly feeling like I’m risking something that feels unbearable to me.
Does anyone have advice or similar experiences?
TLDR:
I’m in a healthy, loving relationship and want to be more physically close to my partner, but I have intense pregnancy anxiety. Even the smallest perceived risk makes intimacy feel impossible for me, and researching birth control or alternatives often makes the fear worse instead of reassuring me also due to health issues.