u/Glass-Procedure8789

Hi guys this is a little strange one but I have been ‘freinds’ with this girl for 5 years. I wouldn’t say she’s a good friend to me at all due to past experiences but back in February she offered me to move in with her to benefit us both. I took along my cat and I moved in.

She’s pregnant and she got pregnant by a holiday fling in morocco and decided to keep the baby. They have a ‘relationship’ online but she’s of course a single mother. I’m two weeks away from starting work and she’s off work due to her pregnancy so money is tight but we’re just about making it work.

HOWEVER

Since i’ve been moved in I do all of the cleaning, all of the cooking, extra stuff like taking her big untrained dog on walks and attempting to train it, offered to be her birthing partner, attended appointments with her and a whole other list of other little stuff I do that she CAN actually do but I’m helpful and kind. Every 4 days I head down to london to visit my boyfriend for 3 days…each single time my friend manages to text me and moan at me for leaving her. She says stuff like ‘ you care more about your boyfriend than me’ ‘my dog is unmanagable and you’re leaving her with me’ ‘ I can’t keep bending down to feed your cat’ and a whole other list of ridiculous comments she can think of to keep me around.

I have tried everything to sort the issue around my ‘cat’ she tries to find. She moaned about feeding him as it’s ’too much for her’ so I elevated his bowls. She moaned about him running around at night playing so I got him neutured, she moans all the time about my cat when I’m here with my boyfriend as I feel she’s lonely and relying on me now 24:7. Which I think is so unfair. I run myself around and around her constantly and feel like a housemaid aswell as a chef and freind and carer to her. But every single time without fail, as soon as I’ve been at my bf’s for a few days she comes to me moaning about how horrible I am for leaving her and that it’s not fair. She called me a dosser and said I’m leaving her with my cat so I then said ‘okay I will bring him down here with me if it’s this much of an isssue for you to feed him and ‘deal’ with a quiet cat lol…but she’s now saying I’m being a bad friend. This girl has zero empathy or thought for anyone else.

She expects me to be there by her side at every click because she’s pregnant and acts like she can’t lift a finger…which I don’t mind helping but when i want to get away for a few days she always seems to cause an issue.

I’m starting to feel like this baby and her pregnancy has become my issue when it’s not my role to be playing this much of a ‘dad’ to someone that treats me like pure shit anyway. she constantly makes comments about my appearance out of jealousy (which she did before and that’s the reason why I broke off our friendship) and she insults my bf, makes backhanded comments if something is going right in MY life etc. If she came to me nicely and said ‘ look I’m feeling a little lonely etc etc’ I’d probably cut my days down seeing my boyfriend to be with her more but she’s doesn’t. She insults me, insults my bf, it’s always somehow MY fault that she’s struggling to cope with pregnancy and not actually the fact she decided to keep a baby with a man that lives in a different country and can’t support her financially or in person. It’s all becoming very controlling. She hates when I have a life or time for myself and said if I’m her birthing partner I should be home 24:7 with her..but the other issue is, when I’m at home with her she’s awful to be around and it isn’t just pregnancy hormones. I’ve known this girl for years and she’s constantly been a negative horrible person. She moans all day, about how bad her life is and how she has no money and how she’s stuck indoors and pregnant and every other little thing you can think of. I have no door on my bedroom or privacy due to the layout of the flat. So every single day we sit on the sofa with each other and watch the tv SHE chooses. She has control of the tv all day, and she constantly is on the phone to her boyfriend overseas shouting and screaming arguing with him, so I’m sat there day after day enduring this mentally and having no space or time for myself.

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Everything I’ve put forward to her to help out she’s declined. It’s like she doesn’t want an issue solved, she wants me to be around her 24:7. When she was moaning about feeding my cat, I said I’d get someone to pop in and care for him while I’m away and it was an instant ‘no I don’t want random people in my house’ and everything i put across, she said NO. She’s clearly stated I should be keeping myself at home with her until she gives birth now and I just don’t think that’s fair at all. I need a break myself and have my own life. I’m about to start a really heavy job too and I’m trying to see my long distance boyfriend as much as I can. But everytime I’m here she causes an argument and tries to guilt trip me.

The biggest problem is HER own dog, not my cat. But she uses my cat as a power/control move to keep me around or get me home. My cat is a quiet 3 year old. He’s absolutely no issue, just sometimes playful at night for a little bit. But she’s stated it’s too much for her to manage, but yes, as I’ve said everything I suggest she guilt trips me and says I’d rather think about myself before her. I’m not the dad..and I’m starting to feel like this is MY pregnancy too and not just hers. I’m run to the ground and hurt.

Can someone give me some advice as to why she’s behaving like this? Or perhaps if I’m at fault? if anymore information is needed just ask me! it’s hard to get everything in one post. Thanks guys x