u/Glass-Reception5776

The short of it all is that dad (75) is just not cooperative whatsoever about allowing help in his house, including me, his daughter.

I realize we can't plan for what we can't control (dad's behavior) but we CAN plan for the future for when shit really hits the fan (quite literally in his case) and when outside intervention needs to happen.

I'm creating a list of resources to reference when we get to that point and am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for what to include in the list.

And, to answer THE question - no, he has no estate planning. The only thing we have is me listed as his medical power of attorney.

MORE DETAILS:

He expects his wife to take care of everything but she's struggling dealing with him plus has her own medical and mental health issues. She constantly makes plans with me to help at the house when I visit but then Dad demands that I do not come over "because the house isn't suitable for company."

While he comes off as mentally sound and competent (though I'm questioning his competency as he's become much more vulgar the past year, among other things), he denies anyone to come into the house to help with anything and often cancels doctor's appointments. At this point, the only medical treatment is when he goes to the ER after a fall or feeling sick (which takes a lot for him to admit to go to the ER). My stepmother is continually on him about not doing this, or doing that, and not taking care of himself (shuffles between his bed and recliner with only a shirt on most of the time or a pull-up, is incontinent, and barely eats anything) and how it's putting both of them at risk for so many reasons.

But, per her, Dad just doesn't seem to care. And he can make it sound like everything is just fine. 🤦‍♀️

I know there's a lot of hard life going on in this sub (I've done my fair share of venting and solution seeking here) but I have to share:

My 75 YO mother, who was dx with mild dementia and cerebral amyloid angiopathy earlier this year, and has been dealing with the loss of her husband of 28 years who passed in April 2025... is quite the funny lady.

Her side of the family has always been a positive, joyful type, and finds absurd clean humor in everyday life. Tons of lifelong inside jokes that have been going on for decades.

But as she's had to readjust to life as a widow, despite the occasional crying phone call to me (and she also curses like a sailor now LOL), she has taken to finding the hilarious still in it all.

When I was driving her to a new hearing aid appointment earlier this year, I asked her if she had her old hearing aids with her. She leaned over and asked, "WHAT?" Then slapped her knee and cracked up at her little joke.

When a streaming service helped us reset the home address for the account, which is still in her husband's name, she said "Tell them his new address is Heaven!"

When we were talking about various ages of different folks, I said, "Well, I'm going to be 47 in a few months." Dead silence from everyone then Mom pipes up: "Wow. You're that old?"

We're watching the Olympics and I comment how fun it is to watch Snoop Dog try all the different sports:

"Oh, he's great! I love watching him! And on that singing show? He's so funny!!! He and Martha are, like, best friends too! What's he known for again?"

Listening to her dress down her 14 YO grandson on high school football and its importance to Texas culture is both delightful and hilarious. (She grew up in Houston).

And she's super annoyed about getting old: "Getting old is really inconvenient, it slows me down!”

God, I love this woman.

Please share any of your funny tidbits from your family members as they enter this new chapter of their lives...