u/Glass_Nectarine_7585

Yesterday I relapsed after being clean for a full year. I started cutting again. I feel pretty bad about myself right now. I don’t even have the energy to go to the kitchen and get something to eat. I hate myself for doing this again

I want to start cutting again, but I don't even have depression anymore not really. Back when I was in a dark place, I did cut, but it was always superficial. In some spots, the scars have even faded completely. So now I feel like it just looks like I was trying to be dramatic or get attention, like I wanted to seem different or special. But that couldn't be further from the truth I'm actually so ashamed of those scars. I've only ever shown them to my best friend, and that's it (aside from my parents, who saw them by accident). Every time I see them, I hate myself. And ironically, looking at them makes me want to cut even more, even though I've managed to stay clean for a good while now.

Sorry if this reads weird used a translator since English isn't my native language

I’ve been clean for a long time now but lately, I've been hit with this intense, wild urge to start again cutting myself. I really miss the feeling and I want to experience it once more. Its strange because I want it so badly, but at the same time, I know I shouldn'tt. Im in the hospital right now and its making me feel even worse.I don't know why or what I'm writing this post for. Im just feeling really bad.. I just want to go home.