u/Glass_Song_9489

I think way too much about what other people think about me(I'm still in school by the way 15y old ) So I tried to adopt a facial expression that is meaningless. That worked not the way i expected it to do

Many students or friends on my school told me how my expression it affects them:

Non-chalant, depressive, arrogant, angry or disappointing or innocent (idk how) . I didn't loose friends or connections BUT the thing i need help for is. Idk how to look normal again

I have adhd and got pills and therapy . I got better I mean real better if someone tslks to me or new friends they dont even consider that i have adhd but my problem is the thing that i feel like im controlled by these pills and therapy. Cause i have not motivation for things,i dont really hang out with my friends except in school and i often catch myself swallowing my feelings for example one of my friends calls me slow sometimes before i had this therapy i would've slapped him or insulted him but now im not reacting like that anymore what bothers me cause i feel the need to do that but i can't caused im raised better to know thats not the right way. And Lately, something has been happening very often that I can't really describe. It's like having tunnel vision, but I'm not concentrating on anything, and a few moments later I feel like my soul is leaving my body and is seeing all the negative things that have happened to me. What is that ?

I have adhd i got vetter cause of therapy and medication but i think those thi gs kinda locked me in a cage memtally and sometimes i feel like ending my life is the only solution . Im smart enozgh to know better so i just keep falling in the void thats in my mind and neuerdings it is like im in the wrong body im in a tunnel vision but dont really focuse on something and after a few minutes it feels like my soul leaves my body