27 days sober/update
Hey ya'll. It's me again, 26F. I made this post April 21st after getting out of the hospital: https://www.reddit.com/r/dryalcoholics/s/rei2xY8xzf
I hope this post isn't triggering for anyone. I wanted to update and maybe provide some hope for those who feel it's too late for them. I'm also just feeling proud because 27 days and counting is the longest I've made it sober in a long, LONG time.
The first picture is from April 22nd, 2 days after getting out of the hospital. I was jaundiced and I felt like garbage. I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. I was exhausted, scared, nothing that my body was expelling seemed the right color, and my abdomen felt so bloated. I later learned at my appointment with my primary doctor the next week that I also had alcoholic pancreatitis, with a lipase of 769. He told me to eat soft, non fatty foods, and that he agrees with the hospital that I should recover if I continue to abstain from alcohol. Even though I was stable and holding foods down (though couldn't eat much at once) I was terrified. It took about 2 weeks for me to start feeling overall better.
The bottom photo is from yesterday, May 13th. I've been hydrating, drinking electrolytes, eating healthy, and haven't touched a drop of alcohol. I've had bloodwork done every week since my hospital stay, and my numbers are steadily dropping back to normal. My appetite has fully come back, although I'm still nauseous sometimes. Even though I'm tired from the lingering insomnia, I overall have a lot more energy and strength. I'm still anxious (a lot of my drinking was unhealthy self medication for it) but it's nowhere near as crippling as it was in the depths of being drunk almost every day. I can do basic things again without having a panic attack. I can calm down much easier. My eyes have almost completely returned to white.
I'm amazed at how quickly my body got to work healing once I stopped rationalizing even one drink, and cut out alcohol completely. All I've had to do is think back to laying alone in that hospital bed, getting pricked day and night, vitals checked several times a day, sometimes obsessively getting up and looking at my yellow face in the mirror, hoping it magically disappeared. All I saw looking back at me was a sad, scared, sick, jaundiced person. The most horrifying part was knowing how terrible this felt, but also knowing how much worse and painful it would get if I continued this path. I've attended a couple AA meetings, but now alcohol really just instills fear in me now when the sneaky little voice creeps in and tries to tell me I can have "one beer". I never want to see my face look like that again. I never want to scare myself or my loved ones like that again. It feels like things can only go up from here.
I'm healing. I'm not 100%, but almost every day I feel just a little bit better. The human body is amazingly resilient. I wish I hadn't pushed mine so far that it had to force me to listen to it. I hope nobody takes this as a green flag to continue drinking, but rather, take care of yourself and take control before something really bad happens. Because it will. (But please don't stop cold turkey if you are very heavily drinking! Taper and seek medical assistance!) I didn't think it was going to happen to me, but it did. I was lucky. I'm so grateful for all the support and stories people left in the comments. It was comforting to know I'm not alone, and checking the thread has honestly helped me stay sober in the dark moments I've gone through.
I wish you all good health, good times, and luck on your journey, no matter where you are in it. You can do it. 🫶