u/Glittering-Scheme805

I’m friends with a bunch of non muslims, and of course, they date. Everytime they tell me about their relationships, i get scared that im accidentally encouraging them to do haram things. Obviously i can’t say things like how it’s not good in my religion, they don’t even follow it, so i try my best to just avoid those topics. When they tell me about a new partner they’ve got I usually just say yay, or congrats, stuff like that. When they have a crush i tease them about it. When im asked for relationship advice i give it, and i ask about how things are going because obviously i don’t want my friends being in a toxic relationship, i want to make sure they’re okay. I have never ever given advice for how to approach or flirt though. When im asked for ideas on how to talk, i act clueless or stupid, or just say i don’t have any ideas.

i’m not asking for like a full professional diagnosis or anything, i guess i just wanted to talk about it and see what people think.

since i was young ive felt like a unique alien bug that doesnt belong and is pretending to be human. only know do i feel human but i stillfeel like im really awkward at being human. like ive only just now gotten comfortable in my body and even then its notso good, its like being able to just BE. since i was a child ive looked to see what other people do and say, id sit in fear and wonder if id be allowed to laugh, or get up and throw out a napkin, id ask my teacher if i was allowed to drink water. im only just now thinking about it deeply. like people would say im just so shy or just well behaved like that, those were normally adults, when reality i was just like, really scared. when i wasn’t around adults i would be totally weird. even then when i was around kids my age i still felt so awkward and just always different. id also be scared at first. i had friends and people who like me but i always felt different. like just different. i don’t know how to explain it. it feels like okay we’re all sour candies but you guys are sour patch kids and im a sour strip. and with the way people looked at me, i think they felt it too. the ways i’ve been treated by others too, like since i was little i’ve been underestimated, i still remember vividly when classmates i barely even interacted with refused to work with me during projects because apparently i was too incompetent. i always got good grades, teachers never complained about me, they literally didn’t know me and just assumed that of me just because they saw the way i’d laugh or play with friends idk.

at the time i didn’t even realize they didn’t like me. i wanna say ive made progress honestly, im more aware and i do better in social interactions and im getting better at understanding those hints and stuff but while i write this i realize i often miss red flags or something like that and end up with weird people. or i see them but i overthink and wonder what it might actually mean.

i relate to the stimming thing, as a child id jump and stomp and wave my hands and i also did the dinosaur hand thing but idk what the dinosaur hand thing means tbh i just heard that neurodivergent kids do it. i doubt being neurodivergent because hey i don’t like, stim like that anymore, i guess it was just a kid thing but i think ive been doing it in ways that are more hidden or socially acceptable. like when im alone and i get really happy i need to start dancing. or listening to music and just walking around. and if i dont do that i make weird faces and stick my tongue out or wiggle my toes. i only started making weird faces around people when i noticed it was acceptable now. like jumping around became embarrassing but now theres that sonic meme where he sticks his tongue out and im constantly doing it whenever im happy and nobody says anything because its actually consisted normal and funny now. and the dancing thing has been a part
of my routine for years now and i get irritated or really uncomfortable if i can’t do it atleast once a day. obviously dancing in your room is normal but i realized me getting so irritated when im interrupted or absolutely needing it to cope or get through the days is like..not really normal. i think theres a lot more to say about this but idk i guess this is enough.

im just scared to say i have autism or whatever because i cant get a proper diagnosis, and also like i think im pretty likeable and like im getting the hang of things and how to be a normal functional person. or is all this just cpstd or maybe km not neurodivergent at all maybe im just delusional?