u/Glittering-Sound-307

I just keep thinking aside from the physical outbursts he has said some really hurtful things to me I just want to write it out too make me realize these are not things a normal partner says. I don't deserve this

List of things he has said to hurt me: over the span of 3 years:

"bitch"

"fuck you"

"i hate you"

"you would be a weak mother"

"you're hella old with no kids" (im 33)

"you're like a scared little dog"

"you are for the streets"

"you are a downtown hoe"

(laughed in my face mocking me)

"stupid" & "dumb"

"you're hella weird"

"secretive, sneaky, independent"

"too accessible to people, you give love to everyone"

he also told my friends I was pregnant when I was still deciding during a rage episode of hating me (I terminated due to abuse it was an extremely difficult decision and im deeply traumatized by everything. still healing from that)

many other things but these are just a few.

Since coming to the realization that I have got to leave this relationship, its been a daily battle in my head for months, screaming crying wanting to stay so bad but knowing its wrong, but not being able to find the courage to leave. I see a butterfly, birds or numbers in sequence and look up the meaning, hoping it will make sense to me and it often does. Over the weekend I was out shopping at TJ maxx when I bumped into a 70 year old woman who was comparing which organizer to get, she said she is getting this to go by her new bed and that day was her first day leaving her abusive partner of 12 years. she said he never hit her, but would break things, scream in her face and yell at her constantly. I wanted to cry, I gave her words of encouragement and told her how strong she was. She had no idea what I was going through, I just held space for her. Hearing her story was another eye-opening reason that no matter how old you are, how much history or hope you have with someone thats abusive that its never too late to walk away and it also will just never work out. These abusive people are stuck in their ways. That woman is restarting her life at 70 years old. I have the opportunity to restart my life at 33 years old. it gave me some courage but I also feel like that was more than just a coincidence. Has anyone here had similar experiences?