I (30F) am a bridesmaid for a friend of mine (28F) who shall be referred to as X for the purpose of this post. X asked me about a year ago to be a part of her bridal party and, despite us not being very close anymore (since I moved interstate about 5-6 years ago), I of course said yes. Of course I felt honoured that she would choose me to be a part of her special day.
For a bit of background/context, I met X about 8 or so years ago (worked together). Over the years since I moved, we’ve always kept in touch but, as what happens when we get older and life gets busy, we’d sometimes go for months without speaking before having a big catchup and would just sort of repeat that pattern. Which was fine, because it worked for us both and didn’t impact the friendship because there was a mutual understanding there. Now, I’d say over the past year (stemming from before she asked me to be a bridesmaid), we’d still talk, though less and it would be mainly me putting in the effort to maintain contact (still not super regularly, but more than her).
In January this year, X sent me this (kinda dramatic) long message taking accountability and apologising for not being a good friend or prioritising me or our friendship as I have always been there for her and I’m “in [her] bridal party for gods sake” so that she would make more effort etc etc. I responded and let her know I appreciated the message and also took some accountability myself. The communication improved in Jan. For her Hen’s party, we were supposed to go for a small trip to Bali (X, MOH, bridesmaid, another one of her friends and myself). Due to their own reasons, two people pulled out so it was just to be me, X and her MOH. I was excited, did some research, sent through options etc. Unexpectedly, while on a holiday in Jan, I tore my ACL which kinda threw me for a loop (not fun, don’t recommend). I informed her and she was understanding. We agreed she and her MOH would still go and book for March sometime and I would book closer to the date once I knew more and if I was cleared by my treating team when back home. I ended up deciding that I didn’t want to risk doing any further damage before the wedding or surgery (mind you, surgery that I am pushing months back just so I can make sure I can attend the wedding and be confident in my mobility). Again, she was understanding, didn’t seem upset and we continued to message semi-regularly.
The last time I received a message from her was mid-March. It was a normal message and my response warranted a reply (had a general question at the end). Radio silence. But, hey, we’ve been here before so I didn’t think much of it. More time passed though and it was getting closer to the wedding - I’m taking time off work, need to book flights, a hire car etc and I need to know the details of what’s happening the day before (rehearsal dinner, they want the bridal party to stay at the venue the night before the wedding) and on the day. I try to give her a call mid-April so I could find out details, no answer. I follow up with a message asking her to get in touch so I can make my arrangements. No reply. A few days later I send two more messages essentially saying I know she’s likely super busy coming up to the day, reminding her I’m still there if she needs me to do anything, would like to know how I can support her, but really need a call back/reply soon as I need to make my arrangements. I even mentioned I understand if there have been changes to the day including any changes in decisions about who she wants by her side, but requested she get in touch to please let me know. That was 3 weeks ago. No reply. Very active on social media this whole time.
Now, I have not heard a peep from her in about 8 weeks. Nada. Zilch. The wedding is in 2.5 weeks. She hasn’t even asked if my dress has arrived or what it looks like (she was chill, let us all choose our own design and style as long as it matched the colour scheme). There’s also no bridal party chat that has been created this whole time - I only know X and her fiancé. I know no one else at the wedding (she hasn’t exactly been able to maintain many friendships the whole time I’ve known her, including with once mutual friends).
Now, I understand this is a hectic time for people. Stress is likely high, potentially she is struggling with it all, but I’ve reached out. I’ve tried. Not even a simple response like “hey, I’ll call you back when I’m ready”. I’ve considered maybe the wedding got called off (unlikely though as I would assume the entire guest list/wedding party would be made aware). Perhaps she is overwhelmed and doesn’t feel she has the capacity, which I can sympathise with; however, I am taking time off work and trying to make arrangements to fly interstate (not just driving up to an hour away like everyone else) which is all costing me money and time. Also, she is a professional (therapist) so she is intelligent and if she has the capacity to continue working and seeing clients, she has the capacity to respond to a message and to communicate clearly. Perhaps she is mad at me for not being able to attend the Hens. It is seeming more like she perhaps does not want me to be a part of the wedding anymore and maybe doesn’t know how to say it. Whatever she wants is fine, BUT LET ME KNOW. Of course, this is all speculation as she hasn’t exactly responded to anything. Even if she does reach out by then, I imagine it’ll be a bit weird to be attend after all this. If she still wants me to a part of it, of course I will. I could never just not attend or drop out last minute if she still ends up wanting me there. I wouldn’t be okay with “ruining” someone’s big day.
I’ve considered reaching out again or even reaching out to her fiancé. But honestly, I think I’ve done enough reaching out. We’re all adults. I am also feeling quite disrespected by this whole ordeal to be completely honest.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I think I just needed to get it all out. What would you do? Would you have a “deadline” for needing to hear back before deciding you wouldn’t attend?
TLDR; I am a bridesmaid for a wedding in 2.5 weeks. Have not heard from the bride in about 8 weeks. Requested a call back 3 weeks ago so I can make my travel arrangements as I am interstate. What would you do?