Recent loss. Travel flare up, debating going to the funeral
My dear cousin passed away on Friday at just 41 years old. He had lupus (SLE) and was on the transplant list. He finally got the lungs he needed for a double lung transplant last Sunday (he was on oxygen 24/7). I talked to him twice the day of his surgery and prayed with him before he went into surgery. I don't know all the details as his wife didn't inform the family until the last minute. So angry about this! Sadly, his lungs were full of clots which caused a brain clot.
My cousin and I grew up together. I'm just devastated. Of course the emotional pain is affecting my physical health. My fatigue has been so severe from crying, reading through all of our previous text messages and all the memories are flooding my mind. In the past two years we bonded over our autoimmune diagnoses after living such a healthy life. I'm learning that I'm the last family member he spoke to before going into surgery ❤️😭
I've been thinking about his funeral service. I want to support my family and show my respects. I'm not in the state so the flight will be about 6 hours. My challenge is I'm on a fixed income and can't afford an expensive flight plus food, etc. while I'm there for a few days. I could potentially reach out to friends for support, but they've already done way too much for me as I'm battling debilitating RA. If I don't get support for the flight, I won't be able to attend the funeral. I also know traveling will trigger a flareup. On one hand, I feel deep peace because of our bond and being the last person he spoke to before he passed so I already have a sense of "closure." On the other hand, I'd like to be with my family during this time. His wife's secrecy and lack of respect to even "allow" us to support him at the hospital in preparation for his surgery has upset our entire family. I'm using a cane now and really don't need the questions/disapproval from my family about my health. Curious if anyone has foregone funerals because of RA? I feel so conflicted. I'll be meeting with my therapist soon. I greatly appreciate any advice 💜