WIBTA for skipping commencement?
I (21F) am completing my senior year at a tiny college, <200 students. Over my junior year and 1^(st) semester senior year, I was struggling with some serious mental health issues. Due to these issues, I failed my senior thesis in the fall of '25 and thus was unable to give the defense this spring.
Seniors rarely fail their theses, so admittedly, this was a somewhat unusual situation. The Academic dean, my advisor, and I went through several different options for how I could complete my education, and ultimately, we settled on putting the entire thesis/defense project on ice so I could focus on my mental health and finish the semester. After that, I would complete the thesis/oration over the summer, and get my diploma sometime in August 2026. I was satisfied with this plan, especially since I asked the dean if I'd still be able to walk with my class, and he said that I would.
Fast forward to now. I've started talking to a counselor, and though I’ve had some ups and downs, I’m passing. My mom and boyfriend are traveling a significant distance to be there for my graduation weekend, but during a random conversation with one of my school's staff members, I mentioned that I have people coming in for commencement weekend, and he asked if they know that I'm not walking.
Apparently, the faculty and staff knew that I wasn't, but they all thought I knew as well and no one had told me anything. I was on the same email lists as the rest of my class; I had shown up to prep meetings; both my parents and I got emails regarding the full schedule of commencement activities, and I was planning on showing up for the graduation rehearsal this Saturday. I reached out to the dean, and got an email this afternoon officially confirming that I’m not going to be part of the graduation ceremony at all, but encouraging me to be present with my guests to celebrate how far I’ve come. He emphasized that this is out of respect for the ceremony, and the fact that, at the moment when I actually turn my tassel, I won't have completed the education. That is fair, but it's different from what he told he earlier. He pointed out that I'm welcome to walk with the class of '27.
His whole apology for the "misunderstanding" felt hollow, and the idea of putting my adult life on pause, several months after I've completed my education, to walk with next year's class feels like play-acting.
I want to help celebrate my class/my friends, but sitting through two fancy dinners with speeches/toasts, and then a 2.5 hour commencement praising everyone's hard work and dedication is going to be emotionally rough if I’m just a spectator who everyone will assume just failed out. Further, my mom and boyfriend don't know anyone here; it feels silly for them to attend the commencement of strangers if I’m not up there as well.
So the question…would I be the asshole for skipping all or most of the commencement activities?