u/Glittering_Class8682

I heard a song today with the line:

“The space between us, the wicked lies we tell…”

And I kept thinking about that.

The space between.

Not just between people. Between versions of ourselves.

The lies we tell other people, sure. But maybe more the lies we tell ourselves:
I need this.
I deserve this.
This makes me feel alive.
I can stop anytime.
I am happier this way.

And then one day there is… nothing.
No affair. No person. No messages. No second life running quietly beside your real one.

Just you.

Your marriage. Your routines. Your responsibilities. Your own thoughts.

I think nobody talks enough about that part. The space between affairs. The strange in between where the chaos is gone but you have not figured out how to live without it yet.

Because it is peaceful. Oh my God, it is so FUCKING peaceful.

No fear of getting caught. No wondering if someone will disappear. No highs followed by crashes. No carrying secrets around all day.

But peace after chaos can feel a lot like emptiness.

Sometimes I wonder if people like me become attached not only to another person, but to another version of ourselves.

The version that feels wanted. Interesting. Desired. Alive.

Then one day that version disappears too.

And you are left asking:
Was I happier with two lives?
Or did I just forget how to live with one?

The hardest part is sitting in the space between who you were when someone was waiting for you… and who you are when nobody is.

Maybe the emptiness is not punishment. Maybe it is some kind of salvation.
Or maybe it is simply the first quiet moment where you finally meet yourself without distraction.

I still do not know whether a safe life is enough. Whether the thrill was ever worth the lies.

I only know the space between them feels much larger than I expected.

Wishing you peace in the space between. Stay safe, adulterers. ☺️

I think I’m officially in my “death by a thousand men” era… and not in a glamorous way. More like a slow, ongoing realization that somehow every option turns into a no.

Over the past year or so, I’ve met a handful of potential situations. And every single one, without fail, has turned out to be incompatible, complicated, or just completely off.

Here’s the lineup.

Guy #1: The Breadcrumb King
Cute, younger, smart. Had potential. But the breadcrumbing was next level. It took forever just to get him to have a normal conversation. And every time things started to move forward, he’d panic and pull back because he didn’t want to be “in a situation.” So… why are we here?

Guy #2: The Perfect-On-Paper One
Met online here. Everything matched. Conversation was great, stories aligned, the vibe felt easy. I actually thought, okay… this could be something.
Then we met.
And there was absolutely no chemistry. None. You cannot negotiate attraction, no matter how perfect someone looks on paper.

Guy #3: The Orbiting One
Has been in my life for a while. Great guy, great friend. In the right world, it would make total sense. The tension is there, very much there. But he has his own history and just cannot move forward. Ever. Always around, never acts. At this point it feels like we’re in a long running book club with unresolved tension.

Guy #4: The One-Man Production Studio
I thought maybe I don’t need depth here, maybe just something light and fun. Wrong.
This man turned it into a full production. Constant dick pics, videos, angles… like he genuinely thought he was starring in something. Extremely performative, almost comical at times, except… not funny when you realize he’s serious.

Guy #5: The Reddit Horror Story
Seemed normal at first, then slowly revealed himself to be completely unhinged and a sex addict. The kind where you quietly exit and feel grateful you trusted your instincts early.

After having one really good connection a couple years ago, it’s been a string of almosts, maybes, and absolutely nots.

At this point I’m not asking for perfection. Just someone grounded, discreet, emotionally stable, and actually able to show up.

And before anyone asks; this is not an ad, and I am absolutely not looking to make any connections here. If anything, my track record suggests Reddit is the last place I should be sourcing candidates. Just venting.

But also… if you’ve found a normal, grounded man who communicates, shows up, and doesn’t treat dating like a personality disorder… please confirm they still exist.